This is Kaos here for a review!
The first thing that I picked up on is the rhyming in this poem which I wasn't particularly fond of but it didn't really weigh down on the poem in say, a negative manner. It's just there and to me and that's kind of the worst place there is for rhyming, because it doesn't really /do/ anything. I didn't really see a reason for this poem to be formatted in this way and the rhyme only puts restraints on anything else like imagery or description trying to get through.
From what I understand, the poem is about the end of the world and how the speaker would save the person that this poem was directed to first. This is an interesting theme but you don't really explore the idea of saving the people you love first or anything of that sort. The poem kind of builds up all the way to the ending, we get the punchline, and it's done. The poem seems to have been centered all around that last two lines and didn't really have much of a purpose other than that. They're an interesting two lines, but they're not enough to hold a whole poem together. If you're going to build around it, you have to have interesting details along with it. Explore with the idea of saving people first over bias here.
The imagery in this poem is something that I wanted to touch on, because I felt it was a weaker part of the poem. It was minimal and there was little of it, and what was here didn't really have any emotional impact. The lines don't really have any power behind them in this except for the ending of the poem, which goes along with imagery. Give us stronger details, expand on what you're trying to describe, use all five of the senses to create an atmosphere. Metaphors and similes would also do well in this poem because of the whole space thing going on.
I hope I helped and have a great day!
Points: 220
Reviews: 1081
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