Young Writers Society

I think everyone tends to get at that place in life were everything is wrong and you wish you could just have the easy way out.... death. Life gets really hard to bare and people will look down on you if you get depressed. Like you don't have a right to be depressed, that your lifes trails doesn't quilify for you to be depressed. I feel I am in this part of my life right now so this poem really reflects what I feel right now about life. Great read keep on keeping on.

Hey acm (what a short name, eh)
It's Review Day and I'm MergSword here with a review!

So first of all, a poem about death. It all seems the same, although I do take a liking to yours compared to several other poems about death on Young Writers Society.

Here are a few memorable lines.

Lie down with me,
Lie down forever,
Close your eyes,
Open them never,

Yup: The Introduction itself. It's always about what's a good intro and what's not because it's the magnetic opening that makes readers intrigued and wanting to read on, and in this case, you did a great job!

There's a bed of earth,
Calling for you,
Close your eyes,
You know what to do,

I don't exactly know why but this stanza is stuck in my head. It could be the possible rhyme scheme, or the way it's descriptive, but realistic at the same time.

The things that I didn't like: I spent a long time looking for one thing you could call a flaw.
I guess this might be one.

I know you're weary,
You want to go to sleep,
Close your eyes,
Come to me!

It just doesn't stand out compared to the other stanzas, but other than that, you did a great job!

Hello, steampowered here for a review! I can’t promise that this review will be very helpful, but I’ll try my best to leave you with some really in-depth feedback.

So firstly, I noticed some grammar mistakes. They should be easy to fix, however, so I’ll just point them out to you now:

Lay down with me,
Lay down forever,

Life takes it's final breath,

Turn your back to this disdain,

I simply loved every single word of this poem. I enjoyed reading it!
I think that the part I liked the most is the imagery used here and also the rhymes!
I love rhymes and rhyme patterns have always fascinated me.
I can say that you did a pretty good job here and let me just say, SIMPLICITY ABOVE ALL!
I liked your ideas and how it goes smoothly with no need of long lines or complex rhyme patterns.
I would love to read something else from you as well, and maybe, take it as a bit of advice, maybe you should try something with run-on lines. They give a nice flow to poems with really emotional ideas.

mmm...wow! I can see your trying to convey a message of the grave, coffin or maybe the dead welcoming a newly dead person. Interesting choice of exclamations and questions. Very pleasing to the ears when recited too! But the part where you wrote 'I wait for you, my love' that just went off track a bit to me but it was a excellent work of art! bravo!

This was cool and unique, I enjoyed reading it!