The title of this poem really drew me in as eating can be associated with survival, nourishment or even life itself, so death happening in an act that is seemingly life-giving was an interesting concept which set the scene for this narrative.
"The middle child was absorbed in herself.
She checked her eyeshadow in the mirror,
before reapplying her sparkly lip gloss,
then turning her head to see the other side clearer."
The commas at the end of these sentences, I felt were not necessarily needed as there is already enjambment used to create a pause.
"So they waited for their meal together."
I would've removed the word, "So", here.
"Her parents knew it was bad for her,
but they couldn't resist when she batted her eyes."
"The middle child was calorie counting."
"The eldest was a vegan,"
I liked they way you portrayed how the parents treat their children according to their behavior, no sense of discipline. This may imply the parents had a role to play in what they became. I also like the way the dynamic and characterisation of each sister is different, the way they each have a different relationship with food; the reader learns a lot about this family from the dinner table alone. I think this poem would also work very well as a short story.
"Outside their house, a few blocks down,
was an old man"
I thought the introduction to the "old man", was a little late in the poem, however, I understand there are other interpretations of why you may have chosen this, I particularly like the interpretation of the reviewer below of the old man being an after-thought, or forgotten about. This represents many people in society who are forgotten and die without acknowledgement because people mainly only look at their own lives, which you captured brilliantly in the final stanzas.
I enjoyed reading this and I hope to read more works like this. Hope this review helped.
-Chips
Points: 7153
Reviews: 133
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