You know the feeling of tears burning down your cheeks
much too well.
And you wish that you could out on a smile today,
because you cried yourself to sleep last night.
There's an soraness to your body
and an ache in your lungs.
There's a feeling that maybe life has knocked you down
one too many times.
And if you fall again,
you might not have the strength to get up.
It's three a.m.
But a shadow of hope says,
'Hang in there. It will get better.'
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello there, acm, Luata here for a review.
Overall, I liked your poem. It touched on several points of grief, which is something that everyone has experienced, however; it is a bit ... common of a topic for poetry writers and I've seen many poems along the same lines (but don't worry because I did the same thing). I'd assume this is coming from personal experience, since, to quote John Green, "Pain demands to be felt", so I won't harp on that point.
My only advice would be to maybe lighten up on the punctuation, which would help your poem flow a bit better, just an aesthetic thing, really.
I look forward to seeing what else you write!
~Luata
Hola! 5kKitty here for a review! I can relate to this in so many ways. Actually, almost every word in this poem describes me, unfortunately. But, enough about my problems...time to get to reviewing!
1. If I were writing this poem I would even out the lines and syllables (I'm not sure if I spelled that correctly), so that the lines were matched better. Some of the lines run on, whereas others are shorter in length.
2. "There's an soreness to your body"
("an" should be an "a". The correct way to write the words "an" and "a" is that "an" comes before words that start with vowel, and "a" comes before words that start with a consonant. Don't be discouraged though; this is a mistake a make all the time that I find when I am editing.)
Hope this helped! Have a great day!!!
-5kKitty