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Shirttails

by fortis


I didn't catch your shirttails as you left.

You didn't take an emblem to remember me by.
You said you knew every brushstroke of my face,
but what happens when I grow old?

I strung little colored lights
all around the trees outside our new house
(which is not a home without you)
in hopes that they would show you where I moved to.
Some days I forget to turn them on,
and I imagine that you pass by,
searching for me.

During the winter, I always shovel a little walkway
leading to the back of the house.
I know you always lost the key to the front door.
It's not like you have the keys to this house,
but I want to be ready for you to come back,
forgetting to shut the screen door as you rush in.

I caress all the letters you wrote--
all three--
close to me at least once every day.
I have their insides memorized by now:
Every loop of your pen,
every dot of an i.
You called me lovely in one.
I remember that word like a silver scar.
When anyone else calls me that,
it sounds like black lies
dripping from their mouth,
because their words don't hold the same fondness
that yours always did.

When I left the home
of our old hideaway,
I left notes
between the floorboards.
Maybe I'll come back
and find you had come
to write me back.
Maybe you go every day,
like I do
in my memories.

I never thought you'd be away this long,
and now I'm really regretting
that I didn't catch your shirttails as you left.


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Random avatar

Points: 1585
Reviews: 27

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Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:38 am
Anabelle wrote a review...



Hey there!

I really enjoyed this poem and I love the detail that was put into this.

My favorite thing is the parallelism you used by connecting the shirttails from the beginning of the poem to the end of the poem. Sometimes, poem can seem to just sort of end abruptly, but by connecting the catching of the shirttails you were able to end the poem very nicely.

You used very nice description, as I said earlier, and left out just enough detail to leave the reader wondering and wanting more.

Excellent job. Keep doing what you're doing.

XOXO
Anabelle




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109 Reviews


Points: 939
Reviews: 109

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Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:33 am
MargoSeuss wrote a review...



Hello, fortis. Margo here for a review.

I only have positives! You have really captured what it means to feel enamered with someone. The poem had impecable flow and superb imagery. "I remember that word like a silver scar." What a sensational simile! "it sounds like black lies dripping from their mouth." I love the way that sounds. The mentioning of the shirttails at the beginning and the end of this poem gave it a nice cyclical feel.

I really can't see any areas of improvement here. I think you nailed this one on the head!

Wozza awesome job!





If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…you should not be so quick to jump to conclusions.
— Cecil Gershwin Palmer