Old September's in all her glory,
bedecked in hues of red and gold.
Her ancient treasures-- dewdrops--
hang everywhere, like gems.
Before the world spun,
it was locked in
September's
jeweled
haze.
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140,673 Literary Works • 673,588 Reviews
Hi, Fort!
I love the imagery you've got going on here. It's lovely.
That being said, there are some things I'd like to address.
While the stylistic usages of sentence fragments are perfectly fine, I try to avoid starting pieces with them. There isn't a verb in your first sentence, and it throws off the poem for me. Just something to think about.
So, uh, "spinned" isn't a word. It should be spun. And that's a good thing, too, because it's the same syllable count as spinned!
You use (a form of) jewel twice in your poem. Within nine lines, I feel that words shouldn't be repeated even once. You could easily substitute "gems" for the first jewel.
That's really all I have to say about this! I really like what you've done here. Nice work. Happy poeting!
This was very helpful! I edited it, and now it's much better. ^_^
Hey, it's Chuck10931 the person that hates all staff. (Well strongly dislikes anyway)
I like this, it's not quite nine data bits. (Computer reference there.)
You are referring to September as the and within that month it being autumn so America?
Anyway. I think it's a very nice nonet and i'd love to see more of your work!
I haven't got much to say. So bye!!
I like this.