She lived among the cherry woods
within a sphere of rosy hue,
slight as a willow, just as strong,
was wild through and through.
She danced upon the forest floor
till light let go its blooming hold.
Her emblem was an olive branch,
her favorite color, gold.
She knew the flowers each by name,
She danced with butterflies,
And when the moon glowed frosty beams,
she never closed her eyes.
She loved to make tracks in the snow,
it shone so starry white.
She loved the way life seemed to freeze
in the silence of the night.
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140,110 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
First of all, I've been impressed once again by your work. Congrats, fortis
"She love to make tracks in the snow,"
There should be an 's' after 'love'. Or a 'd' if you want past tense.
Anyways...
The language was beautiful. You wrote everything so eloquently that I had to compare you to one of my favorite authors online. I wouldn't normally do that because in my head, he's the Whitney Houston in a sea of Taylor Swifts. But I had a feeling you were on the same level
You have a habit of capturing readers using pretty words and deeper meanings. Everything in this was constructed of beauty and innocence and thoughtfulness. I love it.
Happy writing,
DarkHeart
Thanks for your review and you kind words. And thanks for pointing out that little mistake.
Since you've received so many positive reviews, all my words have been stolen. Just writing to let you know, this is truly an amazing poem of beautiful imagery and steady rhyme.
Is always a pleasure to read your work.
-L
Whoever "she" is must look good, because this poem is very good. It's like an ice cream. I like your use of metaphors as a way to symbolise isolation and awesomeness. I am also a fan of the starry white. However, you could make this longer. I would like to see a novel of this magnitude of writing. I know you probably don't write novels, but give it a try. Oh and your avatar is scary.
Hey Tiny here!
Okay my favorite thing about this is how this girl enjoys all the seasons, not just one, like most of us. I can tell this girl needs freedom and she goes to the woods to find it. It is beautiful and has a deeper meaning than is shown.
FAVORITES
She lived among the cherry woods
within a sphere of rosy hue,
slight as a willow, just as strong,
was wild through and through.
She danced upon the forest floor
till light let go its blooming hold.
Her emblem was an olive branch,
her favorite color, gold
She knew the flowers each by name,
She danced with butterflies,
And when the moon glowed frosty beams,
she never closed her eyes.
She love to make tracks in the snow,
it shone so starry white.
She loved the way life seemed to freeze
in the silence of the night.
This poem was beautiful and simple yet so deep. Thank you for this amazing piece.
Keep writing
Ever since I joined YWS I have seen your poetry constantly in the spotlight. You are truly an amazing poet and you should become published because I would thoroughly enjoy reading your works in a hard copy format. You are one of those individuals that breathes poetry and--to put it in the simplest manner--you are awesome!
Hey there! It's MysteryMe, here for a review!
.
To be completely honest, this is probably one of the most well-crafted poems I've ever read on the YWS. I'm not saying its the best, but the way you wrote it was just so incredibly beautiful, I wouldn't have been surprised if it had been written by a professional writer. Well done
You used a lot of figurative language, which is definitely a good thing. I, for one, LOVE all forms of figurative language, so it really increased the overall quality of your work. This one, specifically, was one of my favorites...
"slight as a willow, just as strong,
was wild through and through."
The fact that you compared her to a willow was genius, and it flowed beautifully.
I don't say this a lot, but the rhyming you used was so perfect, and fit so incredibly well, that I could imagine this as a song. A lot of times when people make rhyming poems, many of the rhymes feel forced, or just don't fit exactly right (I know I'm guilty of this), but yours felt real and raw. I was literally left breathless by the lack of flaws. The flow was incredible, you should be proud.
....
"She love to make tracks in the snow,
it shone so starry white.
She loved the way life seemed to freeze
in the silence of the night."
The way you ended this poem was really interesting. The first time I read your final verse, the first thing that popped into my head was that it didn't really feel like a real ending. I was going to tell you that, but then I reread it, and the more I did, the more I realized just how much closure it had. I'm not sure if I'm explaining this very well, but the way your first stanza took place in the morning, and your last stanza took place at night, really created the ending for you. It tied your piece together, and I like that a lot.
Anyway, I just want to say, I loved this a lot. You're a really talented writing, and I hope you continue using that talent for a long time. Hope this helped!!!
Wow.. beautiful! Love your work!
Hi Fortis!
First of all, is it a ballad? Well, looks like it was!
From the inspiration of a young girl living in the cherry wood, you make this poem full of hope and a bright future for the girl. I think not only for that girl, but for all the ebullient kids like her.
Simile you use is also nice and it is reflective of the attitudes and attributes existing on her.
I was impressed with the way you describe how the sun began to spread across the earth. And I'm also fascinated by the way you equate / represents she as an olive branch. The Olive branch symbolize peace also ...a symbol of peace or victory and was historically worn by brides and virgins~from wiki. Is that the purpose behind them?
The last two stanzas for me is getting even more mysterious than the first part. I start wondering why this girl never close her eyes at night and play with snow while it's started to get dark.
Tone of voice also began to change. So the diction here, effectively raising suspicion and attract the attention of readers. Various assumptions can be made. I like how the poem ends this way. Keep it up!
Kudos, cheers
fortis I don't have time to review this, but I really wanted to commend you on the writer you've become. Simply amazing.
are you thinking of publishing your poems? I would really buy the collaboration. Look into it!
Thank you! And I've thought of it, but I'm not really sure how to publish my poems, or if I really want to, or if anyone would read them. (besides you of course
)
I would read it and I bet many other people would too!
Using social media sites like tumblr would definately get you out on the market. Message me if you would like to talk to some people who have published their own works!
I WOULD DEFF READ ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!
Very muchly well done.
First of all I am very glad you decided to use rhyme. It gives the poem a sort of romantic feeling. However I notice you haven't actually in any way made this a poem about love, which is interesting, as this was the impression I got at the start of the work. My only point of criticism is the lack of a varied last line. For instance, perhaps a single rhyming couplet to finish of. I know it seems a small thing, but I think it would give the poem a more definite end.
Hope this helps,
Take that you fiend!
I LOVE IT! The imagery is enchanting, and the wording flawless. This is what amateur poets such as myself strive to achieve.
One quick question: What's that type of rhyming scheme called. I know it has a name, but seventh-grade English was a while ago...
I honestly have no idea!