I know the way seems long to you,
but come and hold my hand.
I’ll tell you of the whispered tales
that are told throughout the land.
First of shepherd Sheh-mial,
who stands so strong and tall;
he lasts in both the sun and rain,
and guards the city wall.
Next of the mystic mountains,
Those wondrous walls of gray.
They say the top is so high up
it’s sunny every day.
If you know of any giants,
take note of Nod-Herred.
He owns a giant bakery,
and Sundays gives out bread.
I’ll tell this tale of sunset sprites
who flit from every flower.
They make the wintery blossoms bloom,
with some myster’ous power.
In this land, at least it’s said,
lives a flying flooberdahry.
He scares off all the farmers’ sheep,
but remembers to say sorry.
This land has much to offer,
in means of ancient lore,
and if you say you’re not afraid,
we’ll discover even more.
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141,261 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Hello...
A few possible change suggestions
"First of shepherd Sheh-mial,
who stands so strong and tall;"
Is the "so" needed? It seems omittable.
"Next of the mystic mountains,
Those wondrous walls of gray."
"Wondrous"? Something along the lines of "mighty" may be more fitting.
Good work!
Have a nice day!
Timmyjake to leave a short review!
So this was really good! The flow was so well and I loved the topic, although those names made no sense to me and I had to read them twice before I pronounced them properly.
I will try to give you a nitpick, although I don't know if I can. This poem is too good!
I think that sums up my nitpicks! This was a really fun poem! I love myths and ancient lore! Keep writing! Your style of poetry is awesome!
~Timmyjake
You have used really interesting language here. I wasn’t sure what to make of the title, but that was the main reason that drew me to reading it.
Your works always seem to have a definitive, neat structure that captures your ideas well and they are to understand from the reader’s point of view.
'Next of the mystic mountains,
Those wondrous walls of gray.
They say the top is so high up
it’s sunny every day.'
I particularly like this stanza for the use of alliteration.
However, I think one of your greatest strengths is also a weakness, in that, if you were to pay around with the formatting and the way you present your work you could make it aesthetically more interesting for the reader. Just a superficial thought.
Good job.
Keep writing.
~BSF