Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Poem of the Oneiroi

by Rook

I drew a line (after the battle) in __91,
but Apollo was in the way.
(I would say Morpheus*, but Apollo drags the Sun.)
I became just another building, broken hollow.
"And what position did you play?"
I played Keeper, Guardian of Moon and Moor.
And Artemis guided Apollo's lance of Tomorrow,
But still I cannot leave my bed.
This room has teeth that open when I snore.
"Morpheus* is making me sad again," I said.


---
*Typo. Should read: "Χρόνος" (or Chronos).

Comments & reviews · 3
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Collideascope
Review

Hey,

I wanna start by saying you don't have to point out the typo at the bottom you can just go in and fix it. Otherwise this is a great poem. Your use of punctuation is great good punctuation makes me happy :) I love the use of Greek gods in this poem it has a nice spiritual sense around a well composed poem which a lot of people find nice. The conversation that's woven in there was added nicely. Sometimes its just kinda thrown in there as a side thought but it works beautifully in here. Great poem :)
Sincerely.
Collideascope

User avatar
90skids
Review
90skids wrote a review · Sun Nov 02, 2014 8:44 am

I love the way you've used the ancient Greek for Chronos, which means time (wow my Greek teacher will be proud I remembered that) because I feel that it really adds to the poem, making it more accurate and lending it a better atmosphere than if you'd just used the Latin alphabet.
I like the idea that this poem came to you in a dream and you simply HAD to scribble it down before it faded from your short-term memory forever.
I think that in the first line, you should remove the brackets and just leave it as 'I drew a line after the battle in _91'
My favourite line in this poem has to be: 'I became just another building, broken hollow'. I just love the imagery in that sentence; it's so beautiful.
This is a really interesting poem with an interesting subject and I hope I get to read more original poems like it :)

User avatar
Caesar
Comment

saw the greek and insta-like



Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.
— Lemony Snicket