i.
I wrote a thousand poems for you last night,
but I forgot them all during the tossing of the waves.
I'm trying to sail my way home
between the freckles on your face.
Your gentle smile will catch me in its curve
when I am thrown overboard.
ii.
You said you had had enough of secrets,
with their power to rip your ribs apart.
You thought you were alone,
but I was with you, and so was the sea.
You said you had stopped doing the impossible,
but you drank the ocean dry.
iii.
The fish scales glitter,
like pearls on the rocks.
The bottom of the world is sandy,
but so is the bottom of your heart.
Odors of fish drying in the noonday sun
can't block out the smell of the oncoming storm.
iv.
This was no mere ripple of the mind,
but a tsunami.
You were seasick,
and the sea was sick within you.
You put the ocean back,
right where you found it.
v.
Fish floated to the top,
scales no longer flashing.
The poems I had forgotten
returned to me, mangled.
Neither I nor the sea are with you,
you've no smile to catch either I or fish in.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,256 Literary Works • 672,091 Reviews
Hello.
This work is very hyperbolic:
Not a bad thing at all, just an observation. This poem certainly seems to be popular and I can understand why. Your title is what caught my attention, because you've written this cleverly in a way that allows it to be applied to more people than just yourself eg, the writer AND the reader. And that can sometimes be a difficult thing to achieve.
Some parts of the poem don't make sense to me - I will admit, but they certainly are thought provoking. This seems like the sort of thing for multiple interpretations and it works well in that field.
Keep writing.
I love all of your poems, but this one might just be my favorite.
I'm trying to choose between this one, Paper Girl, and Dawn and Dusk of the Mind. You really are a talented poet. My hat's off to you, Old Sport! Your work inspires me. 
Thanks! That means a lot! c:
The way you write is very good. It feels as if I was in the passenger seat wile all this was happening. The imagery is great! I feel like if the last two stanzas were worked on a tiny bit, this would have been flawless. Keep up the good work.
:O Fortis, that was amazing!!!!!! The imagery was so complete and beautiful... Amazing job! Stanza three is my favorite. You related your feelings to the elements of the sea. As I read it I could smell the salty air and dying fish (ew...).
I don't know if I'm correct on this, since the rest of the poem is so incredibly flawless, but shouldn't it be "me or fish in?" If you just take the "to catch ___" part, "to catch me" sounds better than "to catch I."
You asked for some advice, but, unfortunately, I'm too young to have any experiences with this kind of stuff. Hopefully someone older will offer some.
Incredible job, fortis!
Is this a song? It really seems like it should be a song
I really like it. It's a well-written and I love all the talk of the sea. Great job! Keep it up 
No, it's not a song. But thanks!