Stacking the rainbow color by color,
my sister lists every one she knows
and what they mean and why (why, WHY) they happen.
I had told her blue was sad.
Sadness happened when bad thing happened to people.
I told her yellow was happy.
Happiness happened when good things happened to people.
I had told her red was anger.
Anger happened when people responded poorly to blue.
That is why blue and red are so far apart.
I said green was peace.
Peacefulness happened when people set aside their anger and were happy.
That is why green and yellow are so close.
I had told her violet was deep thinking.
I couldn't explain too much about that.
She asked about brown.
I told her brown was the color of dirt
It wasn't included in the rainbow because dirt and sky do not mix.
She asked about pink.
I told her pink is only our minds being too lazy
to combine purple and red light to make green,
as should happen.
She asked about black.
I told her black was impure
and that it could not dwell in such a heavenly beast as a rainbow.
She asked about white.
I told her white was too pure.
And too uncaring to exist on a such a jovial beast as a rainbow.
She asked about gold.
I told her gold was greed.
She asked what greed was.
I wasn't sure I could explain it.
Then she asked about "that strange color"
I asked her what she meant.
She told me about the "wavy color on the edges of everything"
And the "beams that shoot from the sun."
I asked if she meant sunbeams.
She didn't.
She could see the infra-red that traced life.
She asked me what it meant.
I told her it was the color men used to look into the stars.
She asked why she only saw it coming from earth and not the stars.
I didn't know.
She could see the ultra violet light that comes from the sun.
She asked me what it meant.
I told her it was the color of Grandma's death.
(She had died from skin cancer)
She asked me why it was so beautiful if it was the color of death.
I didn't know.
She asked what my favorite color was.
I told her gray.
She asked what that meant.
I told her it was the color of uncertainty.
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140,755 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
How is it going my people?
Ok, so I'll be honest: I don't love this poem.
It's generic, it's obvious, and I know you could have done better.
You could have made this poem have some depth to it if you worked harder. You said you didn't know how to explain greed. I'm sure you could have done a lot with just that, heck I'm sure you could have written an entire poem about it (I know I have).
You also could have brought depth to this poem when you couldn't explain why death looked beautiful. Entire books have been written on the subject, I know you could have made entire stanzas on that thought.
Also where you said "(She had died from skin cancer)" that's kind of... yeah I don't know how we are supposed to respond to that. Generally a poet doesn't just come right out and say things like that. They tend to kind of hint at it or work their way around it. I'm not sure how you respond to saying that and therefore I'm not too sure how I'm supposed to respond to that.
Once again, it's generic. Every person can just say what the colors represent, and you didn't go in depth to the colors and their representations themselves. One or two lines sometimes just doesn't cut it in poems like this. I know you can do better.
I hope I didn't offend you in any way, I'm just trying to help. Keep writing, I expect to see more from you!
Well, quite impressive. And quite imaginative. I love that yellow is happiness, but what about the bluebird of happiness? Please educate me on that one. And what is orange? I would like to know. I think this is a really nice work. Keep it up!
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
I must say, this was a beautiful poem. But I had mixed feelings. I really like the subject, content matter and story it tells, but at the same time I struggled viewing this as poetry. Now, some of this is due to my own personal idea of poetry and what it is. I tend to like rhythm and consistent flow. So if some of this review feels or seems biased, it may be, so don't take it to hear
I love how you tie the colors together and their separations and connections in the rainbow. It's something very, very unique and I'd never thought of it in that way.
I personally would have written this part a bit differently, as all of the other colors are white light separated into individual parts. But that is probably just a personal preference.
As far as the writing itself goes, I did not enjoy the poem as much as others simply because it seemed to be more of broken up sentences, rather than carefully chosen lines which compliment one another. While there does not always have to be a designated rhythm or beat, the fact that one line may be four syllables, and the next have ten or twelve really breaks up the flow while reading. It's not anything that can't be changed, though.
Overall, I think that getting the subject and the content right is far more important than the ebb and flow, in many cases, so job well done.
Thank you fortis!