"All Beauty Sleeps,"
and nothing human lasts.
-
I sleep where asphalt and stormy skies meet:
that piercing, invisible shade.
I am of negative spaces,
I spread myself thick, yet unseen.
I am the life between parted sunbeams,
the color of your dreams.
I am the hue of city subways,
of buildings and of sidewalks.
I am the truest soul of the ocean.
I am the glimmering sheen of your tears,
The color of your sadness, but also your joy.
I am the uncertainty of iron and silver and zinc.
Reflecting... something, but no one knows what.
I am the paint of deep-thinking, deep-twinkling eyes,
The remnants of clouds in those windows.
I am the sound of a child's sigh,
I am the smell of rain.
I am the color of infinity,
for I am every color, aged.
But I am more beautiful--
I sing more truth--
when I am darker,
for there is more darkness
in this grand infinity
than light.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,732 Reviews
Wow, that was... epic. You write some seriously amazing poetry. :3 *is totally not a stalker at all for reading nearly all of your poetry* <.< >.> <.<
Oooh, I'm so curious about the riddle part! ^.^ What is it? Um, death? That's abstract and unseen... And it could be the "darkness in the grand infinity" you mentioned. What about something like antimatter? Or maybe melancholy? People say melancholy is sadness and joy at the same time. "He who increaseth wisdom increaseth sorrow" and all that. I really have no other ideas.
Anyway, awesome job! X3
~Curiosity Killed The Cat
Thanks for the kind words. And um... no, none of those are the answer(s). You'd better invest yourself if you want to find the answer(s). The only people who have figured it out have had quite a bit of a dialogue with me before they got it.
MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR
Thank you, Widders. I'll try to figure it out if I'm not too ridiculously moronic.
And, um, thanks Alpha. XD I hope they are.
(alpha was one of those people who took like three months with a long Dialogue with me to figure it out)
Dang, this is so great, fort. Your riddles are awesome
I'll take a swing at it.. a mirage? But I don't know how can a mirage be dark (which is why I didn't choose sunlight xD)
Hee hee thanks! And nope. It's not a mirage or sunlight. ^_^
Hmmm. "I spread myself thick, yet unseen."
That reminds me of roots. It can also refer to a grave, which might be the final resting place for us all and is very dark...
Iron and zinc makes me think of minerals xD is it the ocean?
nope nope and nope!
Now I'm getting anxious. xD
A raven? (Idk, ravens fit the first part..) Were any of my answers even remotely close? xD
Not a raven~
Think about the words that repeated most. ^_^ (other than I and and the like)
Oh.. Fortis.
You have blown my mind >>
I love this. I do.
I can't really... Find anything to nitpick at. And I normally am the nitpicking type for very simple things...
I really loved,
I simple love this. I really do. I can't really explain how, I just do..
I liked all of it, and can't find anything I didn't like. It was all pretty well written to me
Sorry for the short review, but there wasn't anything for me to nitpick at, in my opinion...
From the Poetry Exchange...
Always,
SW
Hi, GreenTulip here to give you a review. It's Review Day but I am also here to give you a review for Poetry Exchange.
So, I would love to mention the fact that I know that this is a well written poem, from the parts I read. I love reading poetry, but this isn't my type of poetry. It just makes me want to close out of it, just by the first few lines. This is how I base if I want to continue or not, and your's didn't make me want to do so.
I have nitpicks on the small part of which I did read.
You used "I am the..." and "I am..." a lot in the poem. It could be used for poetic means, but I feel like it just dissolves the meaning of the poem into a small little pebble that used to be a boulder.
I can't say a lot more without, so I must take my leave.
Well, I wrote it in the classical way that riddles are normally written. That's why I used "I am" a lot.
Maybe you want to finish reading because maybe you'd think better of it if you reached the end?
Hello! I'm here with the poetry exchange!
Hey, this is beautiful. I know you've already had people telling you that, but it really is quite lovely.
Lines I liked:
Lines that weren't really doing it for me (and why):
All right. So I don't like this line because of one thing: "that." You're referring to it as if we as the readers already know what you're talking about, but we don't. I was rather jarred by this "that." I would substitute "a" for "that." Another example of this, while I'm talking about it, is this line: It would be easy to say "remnants of clouds in the window."
While the rest of your lines give us images and feelings, this one doesn't. I don't know what a true soul is, never mind about the ocean. I'd try to create more of an image with this line, or cut it. As it is, it seems rather useless.
The "deep-thinking" doesn't sit right here. I know it goes with "deep-twinkling" eyes, but it sounds more like bragging than anything. Though take this with a grain of salt; I really hate it when people call me "deep" or whatever. I don't even know what "deep" really means. It bothers me.
I would like to see more action in this piece. As it is, most of your verbs are simply telling us what the narrator is. "I am" this, and "I am" that. Right now for active verbs, the choices are thin. "I sleep" "I spread" and "Reflecting" are the only ones you have. put more action verbs in to characterize infinity more. Here's one of your stanzas that has a lot of potential:
Here is an example of what I'm talking about (I know it's not going to be the best, but you'll get the idea of what I'm trying to say):
By adding more active verbs, not only can you make this more interesting and less repetitive, but you can streamline your descriptions (see what I did in the second to last line there).
The dash at the end isn't doing it for me. This and the next line seem to be one sentence, and I don't know why there would be such a huge pause there.
I love the idea of infinity, and this introduces an idea, that while already thought of, has been presented in a beautiful and different matter. It does not make me think of light and dark as good and evil, but of prisms and how they create shadows as well as light. Darkness does not have to be evil, and light does not have to be good. This was delicious to read. I hope that this was helpful. Happy poetry exchange!
This was really fantastic. Whether it be poem, riddle or even flash prose. I wouldn't know the answer to the riddle, but I think treating it as a riddle itself might just make the reader awkward in his/her not-understanding! Better to just look it as creative writing, in which it excels at. Each line is filled with strong, vibrant imagery. You didn't overdo lines, which is key, knowing just when to stop and keep things simple and powerful. You didn't add needless adjectives to such lines as 'I am the smell of rain' and 'the remanents of clouds in those windows', thus preserving their emotional intensity. There's something deeply melancholic about the piece, as well as a sense of wisdom and profundity.
Excellent work.
Flame here, as promised! Happy Valentine's!
I'll admit, it's strange answering a request for an experienced poet I requested a review from recently, but I'll take a stab at it.
The answer is...
Beauty? Shadows? Darkness! No, nevermind. Hmmm...
Alright. Let's scrap all stunning entrances, go with an outline of my situation: I'm writing a review. On a flawless poem/riddle. That, quite frankly, intimidates me.
So I hope you don't mind me treating it like prose...
This would make a fabulous poem. Every expression fits together like pieces of an intricate jigsaw puzzle. "Flows" isn't quite the right word, considering the repetition, but the pace was well-measured. Oh yes, the repetition. It was marvelous. I could see the line breaks without them being there. As I said, this would really make a fabulous poem.
My favorite sentence was the conclusion: "For there is more darkness in this grand infinity than light." Its lingering effect was bolstered by the poem's dark theme. And the truth of it...
Onto the meager nitpicks!
The "And" should be uncapitalized, as the rest of your conjunctions are. Unless you were trying for emphasis? A comma should also be stuck inside the second quotation mark.
The comma should be replaced with a colon.
I wasn't too fond of the way you phrased this. Also sensed some self-contradiction.
I'm terrible at making inferences, but I decided to point this out anyway. "Truest" is an...ambiguous term. I don't know how else to word it.
I may be wrong, but is "iron" usually capitalized?
This line kind of shatters the dark theme you've so carefully been crafting. Um...keep it or leave it, I suppose. I don't know what I'm saying half the time
I don't know why, but this sounded redundant. I'd recommend clipping or changing the second line.
The period cuts things off abruptly. I'd recommend replacing it with a comma.
And...that's all I have. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to your next submission!
Thanks so much for your review, and because I write my poetry like prose, a prose-ish review was exactly what I needed!
I'll definitely make those changes.
And nope, you didn't guess the riddle right!
No problem!
Hope? No, I give up. What is it?
Hmm...horizon? Twilight? Sunset? I have no idea...
nope!
This is also rather a riddle...