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A/N: this poem was made by crossing out words on a Driver's Ed. quiz.
Points:
Time spent:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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139,278 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
This poem is very original. Love it. I love what people can create when they are bored and they have something random like you did when you crossed out the words on the Driver's Ed. quiz.
This is hard to criticize, since you took works from that Driver's Ed. quiz but I will try my best. Please don't take offence when I review this. This poem for one, is choppy, just choppy all the way. It is kind of hard to read because of all the spacing. You can't really improve it, since you got it from the Driver's Ed. quiz.
What could make your poem look really cool is if you have a little art design in here, like have an 'image' of fog here. You can't really draw fog but you can try with a lot of shading techniques. This could make people realize that this is supposed to be words covered in fog.
Now for the things that I love in this poem. I illustrates fog very well with the spaces all around. The imagery that you get from the choppiness could really show what it is like to be a serious situation with fog. Since you got this from the driver's quiz, you got to implement a lot of things about cars and headlights and so forth. I think that you should try to make more poems like this. Keep it up!
Woah, that's neat!
I've never seen anything like it and I'm not really sure how to review it...
There isn't anything wrong with it, honestly. Clearly, you didn't have many words to choose from or edit out, and you managed splendidly! If you read it aloud, it sounds like a real poem. It's choppy, but engaging. I love the "snow and ice..." stanza with the whole second counting. This is such a clever style and I love it! I understand now how you write such amazing poems in "The Wool of the Prince." Looking over at the lengthy list of poems to my right, I see that you are true poet!
Wow
I really loved this idea of yours about writing or rather making a poem out of something like a drivers' ed quiz stuff ^_^
The form of the poem also looks kinda like the fog..present only in places..
Since this was a screen shot...I would not be able to quote you but I will just point out the nit picks in that case ^^
Firstly, I really couldn't make out whether the two columns of poems were two parts of one poem or two different poems.
Secondly, In the first column...till the second stanza everything was alright but it went downhill from there...it started sounding more like a song/prose than a poem...
Third and lastly, I would say that experimenting is good...you can always come up with something new and interesting and different...but you should always consider editing some things to make it your own-personalize it..
Overall...this was an average poem..of course meaning and all were good but it needs serious re-writing..Give it a go and see what happens^^~
Keep wrinting^^
ERZA~