Young Writers Society

I really enjoyed reading your poem. Your lack of punctuation fits the voice of the poem--understated, simple, direct--and so does your simple diction. (Simple as in short, direct, non-flowery words.)

I was left feeling as if there should be more to the poem. I was hoping you would keep exploring the topic and expand on what you were saying. The idea for the poem is great; I just feel like there's so much more you could say--so much more that you have to say, and that you haven't said it all.

But maybe leaving the thought hanging like that is what you meant--I don't know. It seems more natural to me that an insomniac would keep thinking and thinking, thoughts whirling around, exploring a thought to it's fullest extent, since they can't sleep.

I hope these are constructive thoughts. You have a good poem going hee

Hello there, LGF here for a quick review.

First off, I really liked this. It was short and sweet and had some really nice flow to it, that made the poem really beautiful.

I didn't really mind the lack of grammar the way through, as it made it seem raw and didn't disrupt the flow. However the capitalized 'i' at the start annoyed me for some reason, and it was until I really read it without noticing it that I started enjoying it. You don't have to change it, but it just annoyed me.

I loved the whole meaning to it, and the use of the word artists, and how we all draw inspiration from somewhere.

Your last two lines where particularly beautiful. I liked how it wasn't over complicated just simple;

to paint the stars
in swirling strokes

Overall I loved it and would love to see more of you!

Keep up the good work;

LGF

Sometimes dreams give inspiration, but my nightmares spoil that for me. So I write late into the night. Thanks for this, fortis!

Hello fortis!

I like the topic you decided to use since I've suffered from insomnia myself. Though I do have a couple notes.

Just as someone else below already mentioned I am in love with the fact that you used the word artists. It makes me frustrated when some people don't think of writers as artists, and I don't even think you meant to be referencing writers, but nonetheless I like that you used artists.

The fact the this poem is shortened fits the theme better. At night I have short little blurbs of thoughts and it feels similar to how this poem is written.

"to paint the stars
in swirling strokes"

I like the way that the last two lines sound but it strikes me as, for lack of a better word, cliche. That's not the word I wish to use but I can't grasp the word that is trying to come to mind. Really no complaints and I think you're a wonderful writer.

Adieu

Hey fortis, Chips here with a review.

I liked your title, it was an interesting use of metaphor which was continued on to your actual poem. I assume the lowercase lettering is intentional for this piece and I'd say it worked well for the message you were trying to convey. I liked the voice you used here, as if you were directly speaking to the reader.

All in all, I liked the minimalist approach with this poem. However I do have a few critiques.

"i tell myself that i need to sleep"

I thought you needed a comma after, "sleep". But if no punctuation was intended for it, you can leave it be.

"of all the artists
who stayed awake"

I quite liked the way you used "artists" as oppose to writers in this sense.

"to paint the stars
in swirling strokes"

This has great imagery. But I was a bit disappointed to see that this was the end, I was expecting another short stanza, to me it felt unfinished and cut short. I know it's meant to be a short poem, but I'm not sure if this last line held enough of an impact to end here.

You could add more imagery, especially since you're on the very diverse topic of "insomnia", you could talk about dreams or the colors of some dreams in another stanza or expand more on the mind of the artists. You could also have a more detailed part on the stars.

Overall good job and I hope this review helped. Keep writing!

--Chippy

Hey there not really that much too talk about that was bad about this poem. I just wished it was a little bigger. I like that it reminds me of some of the times when I am trying to sleep. Overall it is a very good piece of work.

Hey fortis! Writer here to give you a review
Honestly, this poem reminded me so much of Van Goh... cliche as it may be, it made me think of his painting Starry Night XD
Anyway, there really are no nitpicks here, so I'll move on to the theme and such.
Your simplicity adds to the poem tremendously, and I don't think you need to add much to it or anything at all.
I do have to ask you, though, why didn't you elaborate? Like, if you were talking about Starry Night, you could've gone into more detail and describe the rest of the sky. Add the colors of the stars and the sky. After all, you have colors in the title

to paint the stars
in swirling strokes