Try flying now, Gimp Girl.
You’ve twisted your very brain,
thinking you could run over such rough terrain.
You make me laugh.
Try flying now I say,
with your wing snapped and dangling.
You’ll only make yourself a fool.
Stop your suicidal intake, Gimp Girl.
Fueled on fatty sweets and sorrows,
Your stomach and eyes are too heavy
to allow for flight.
Those sweets are sickly so,
and they do nothing to relive the pain.
Come away from the window, Gimp Girl.
Trying to fly will not solve this problem.
Your body may be broken, but your soul lives free.
Think to your immortal soul:
There is no death above.
Neither are there sweets,
but that’s beside the point.
Dry your tears, Gimp Girl.
Not everyone can fly like you could.
Not everyone should.
Look to the humble worm:
though it has no wings or legs,
no one calls it an invalid.
Are you weaker than a worm?
Toughen up, Gimp girl,
and take care.
Don’t be like the weak you condemned.
Condemn not the weak, Gimp Girl,
for you limp along with the rest of them.
See those haughty, sneering faces?
They are mirrors to the past.
Be an example, Gimp Girl,
and not a martyr.
Show the world a smile,
rather than a grimace.
Have hope, Gimp Girl.
You’ll fly again.
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139,278 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Hello, Fortis!
RachelLeeAnn here to review.
I'm going to be honest: I had to google "gimp." I'd always heard it was someone like a cripple, or someone with a broken bone. After looking more, I learned that it is anyone physically impaired, or a feeble person. After learning that, your poem makes more sense.
As others have stated, the overall tone/rhythm of this piece were very nice. One reviewer commented on disliking the repetition, but I disagree. I think the use of repetition has helped to make the piece sound so direct, and consistent.
This here is my absolute favorite stanza:
I love how the narrator's tone ranges throughout, while still keeping the rhythm. At times, it's encouraging and uplifting, while at others, its tired and almost scolding.
Beautiful job here, Fortis!
No nitpicks.
Keep writing!
-Rae
Hello Fortis!
I am not sure if I can review this very well because it's somewhat strange that you are younger than me and you write poems like a 'hundred' times better than me. But I will still try my best.
At first, I didn't really get the idea of gimp girl, maybe it's because I never knew what gimp meant, but now I have definitely looked up for it into the Webster's and know the meaning and know what you meant.
Anyways, apart from that, I love how this is all been created, it's perfect at the rhythm, at the flow and everything related to poem.
Its funny at some point and a little sad at some other. It sounds hopeful and hopeless simultaneously.
Overall, i totally enjoyed the whole time i devoted to read this.
~MarS
I really, really enjoyed this. The tone, specifically was extremely fascinating to follow. I love how the speaker seems so patient and encouraging at times while tired and sympathetic at others. Much like a teacher.
The message in this was conveyed perfectly as well.
At first, I wasn't too fond of the repetition in wording, but it remained consistent all the way through, until the end. Great
Wonderful job,
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