The scorched trees whisper the pasts of the stars
But I cannot understand them.
Still I listen to their mournful tales,
and I watch as the paintings
of the lighting bugs
disappear into the night.
The breeze caresses my sun-worn skin,
bringing promises of a rain that may never come.
The flowers, closed tight, sway in this wet wind,
their wilted leaves clinging to the moisture.
I dig my calloused fingers into the hard-packed earth,
knowing the ground is the only thing that will never leave me.
Never.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,744 Reviews
This is The most splendid and heart-touching poem I have come across.this i believe has touched the greatest heights of the feeling of isolation and helplessness-the moment when u feel the world has turned away from you as if you have been outcasted by it,and there is no one to listed to your frozen shreiks. the imageries of flowers closing tightly in windless rain,and wilting leaves is so apt.This poem seems to yell out the anguish of the soul.i only wish if it could have been a bit longer.no wonder you have so many points!i already follow you.its just that abruptness of ending...
Superb imagery in this poem. Not only does your imagery present a vivid idea of place, but your imagery also gives meaning to the poem. Your choice of images gives the poem a softly melancholy tone. The mood of this piece is sober and reflective, and none of your imagery and diction is out of place.
One question I have: Did you mean for your first line to be a separate staza from the rest? Or is that only a YWS spacing typo? Also, I'd make your second line lowercase, since it's in the same sentence as your first line. Capitalizing "But" makes the start a little bumpy.
But those are the only nitpicks I have. Great piece, overall.
~ jessiethought ~
it is beautiful and it gives me the image of a long walk, I love every line
Very beautiful, I love the vivid imagery and the portrayal. You did an excellent job.
I must say that this is a very deep poem. It has it dark side and it sort of reminds me a little of Edgar allan poe. I am a big fan of poe's so I loved your work. Make sure you keep up the good work and I think you have a bright future ahead of you.
Review
I think this is a beautiful piece of literature. It is something that I can read multiple times, and it still have meaning. I think that this deserves a round of applause. Great job, I hope to see more work from you soon. If not i might just die.
Positives
1. The descriptions were clear to the reader.
2. It had great detail.
3. The reader can feel what is being written.
I do not have any negatives for this piece. I believe you did a great Job writing this. I could really feel what the reader was going through. That's what makes a book worth while.
keep writing
~cassaundra~
This is really good and well written I just have a question about one part.
"and I watch the as the"
Is it suppose to say "the as the"? It was a little confusing to me. Other than that it was very good. I like the imagery and see the flowers close and fingers in the dirt.
My favorite part was when you said the sun brought promise of rain. I could also see it as if it were happening which is just beautiful. I also like how you said the ground would never leave you. Not to state the obvious but I mean after we die there's the ground. I don't it just humored me a little bit. Good job!