I thought your leaving would leave a gaping hole in my life.
I thought my body would ache with sadness.
I thought I would search for you in every crevice of my brain.
But
As I lay here staring at your pillow, my heart is numb.
I feel nothing, as I think of how quickly you've gone.
Shouldn't I be devastated by now?
But
I'm not.
I get up.
I get dressed.
And
I head to work, smoking my cigarette, one hand on the wheel, as normal.
I drive pass the park we use to hike in every morning.
My heart doesn't feel an ounce of yearning.
And
As I park my car, I get a whiff of your cologne still clinging to the seats.
What's wrong with me?
Tears should be trickling down by now.
But
Maybe I'm just going through the motions.
I say hi to co-workers as I pass them, and look at your empty office.
I almost call your name out during the day.
But
I think that's just my brain forcing emotion where there isn't.
Leaving for the day, I walk past your office once more.
There are empty bookshelves and a bare desk.
And
All I feel is free.
Free and light.
I smile, thinking of your future; I hope you find happiness in this life or the next.
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137,783 Literary Works • 672,066 Reviews
Hey there! It's ZeldaIsShiek here to review another quintessential piece of literature that made my day and win this Review Day by helping the Red Pandas stay in first place and reaching my goal of 80 reviews. I might even get to 100, if I work hard enough. I am really excited to review this amazing piece of art that you have created, and maybe add some witty humor as well. Anyway, that's enough idle chatter from me. Let's get into the review.
This poem feels like it is addressing someone who has left and is now too far away to ever see again. At first it feels very romantic, like your romantic partner left you and now you are feeling sad about it (or at least should be). I noticed that this poem expresses almost no emotion towards this person, even though it is implied that you should be feeling something over this person's departure. I also love the structure of the poem itself. Adding "but" and "and" in between lines makes it feel like your poem is broken up into smaller mini-poems that express the speaker's actions at the time, instead of having the whole poem flow into one big pool of a narrative.
The line "Maybe I'm just going through the motions," is the only hint of emotion the reader gets through the poem, and it feels like a hint that the speaker feels good about his friend moving on to bigger things, but he also feels bad that he is losing him.
That's all for today. Keep writing, and have a great Review Day!
~ZeldaIsShiek
Hello Rascalover! I hope you're doing great today.
I find this poem fascinating. Perhaps because I can relate. I'm not sure if you intend for it be sad or not, but either way, I found it just a touch heart-breaking. Throughout the poem, the narrator sounds numb, confused by his/her emotions, going through the motions. The ending hit me a little suddenly, to be honest. I wasn't expecting that closing stanza. Or. I might have been, but maybe it would have come after a breaking scene or meltdown. The ending is a realization, and I didn't think all the stanzas preceding it built up to it enough. It just happened. And that was the end.
The person that dumped narrator must have left quite recently, if Narrator could still smell the cologne, but I am curious about the history. When they left, they must have left, because even their work was abandoned.
One thing, however, that I absolutely here are the separate "But's" and and "And's". It worked splendidly - an abrupt change of the somewhat void-of-emotion stanzas. You didn't use a awful lot of imagery here, but I like how it was so simple and straight forward. It is seemingly a simple poem, but then it is not. The ending, also, was perfect. I like how it closes in that tone of forgiveness, and freedom. It was beautiful.
I hope these jumbled thoughts helped.
Keep up the good work!
~rosette
Hello! I'm here to leave a review; I hope it's helpful!
The first thing I notice is the lack of emotion here, and I think that's something I can relate to greatly. The narrator has lost someone close to him/her, yet feels no sadness. At the end, he/she even states that "All I feel is free." I definitely enjoyed the sensory details of seeing the park and smelling the cologne. The repetition is also something I enjoyed; I use it in a lot of my poetry, so maybe I'm biased... I really enjoyed this piece, and I think you've done a great job!