Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Huddled over an open flame
Poles hanging over
The rocks edge
Music swirling around us
Ducks quaking along the current
liquid courage altering us
First: our shirts are gone
More wood for the fire
More touching skin to skin
Second: your pants leave my sight
Less space between us
Less time to calculate my next move
My hands find their way
Up your back and through your hair
Your hands find their way
Around my waist, down my pants
Kerplunk!
Down went the bobbers
Up go the poles
There's our chance, gone in the night
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139,860 Literary Works • 672,779 Reviews
It's nice how at first it's veiled and the title doesn't let on so much about it. Then you read and it's like oh, oh oooh. It was fun reading even though I didn't get the ending at first and even if it shoulda been rated you can't guess what it's about right away, giving it an air of mystery and all. The title got me curious and that's a good thing because at first you'll be like fishing at night is ridiculous, okay lemme see then wow. Great job.
Thanks! Night fishing is actually fun because you can catch certain fish that are asleep during the day, and you have to tie glowsticks onto your bobbers that attract the fish.
Oh. I don't fish, do I didn't know that, thanks you just taught me something new.
Hey, I just wanted to say , I thought this was really interesting - like you can really write! I loved the title which is why I clicked on it - sounded quite dark and mysterious at the time
. I love your description of certain things ... "music swirling around us" makes it sound like liquid flowing round you like the waters that you're fishing in. Also "more wood for the fire" I thought was interesting ... I thought the fire could have been literally a fire - OR resembling the passion between the two people. I loved it - awesomely ambigiuous.
My only criticism - the ending line I feel could've been more dramatic and more definite. But that's just my opinion - hope this helps
First off thanks for the rad review! And, secondly, I love your avatar! Twinies!
Ahaa gotta love the Simpsons!
You should rate this 16
uh... thanks