The Journey of a Lifetime

Radrook here for a review. Please feel free to ignore any suggestion deemed unhealpful. If I offend I apologize. It is not my intention. That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem about someone who depends upon the speaker for support while walking. This came across as a young child, perhaps a toddler. The world being new and the arms thrust upwards reinforce this impression. The world is new and the eyes dance in response to the images. Then suddenly he or she falls and trust in the support that was being provided falters.

This reminded me on how much trust we have in parental protection as children and how surprised we are when we find out that such protection very often fails us and that finally those who are the protectors are themselves very often at the mercy of uncontrollable circumstances.
So the poem certainly aroused the emotions intyended via its imagery

Suggestions

The comparison of the eyes to ballerinas causes me to expect the eyes to move about as if they were ballerinas. But we are only told that they shine. That made me pause and try to see the connection in the analogy but failed.

Not sure what subconsciously walking along is referring to.

The poem reads better for me without the capitalization of firs letter of each new line. Below is how I would have written it.

One step, two steps, three steps,

[a]nd we’re gone.

The porch, driveway, and big oak tree

[begin] to disappear.

You clutch my hand,

[t]ightly then loose,

Finding your footing

[i]n this big world.

Your eyes are ballerinas,

[g]listening at the big outside.

*Gasp*

A pebble is embedded in your knee.

Your arms are thrust upwards.

For you, it was not just a fall.

[Your] trust is broken.

I slowly slide you down my side

Until you are subconsciously walking alone.

The ballerinas start again

Dancing with the barking, honking, and the quiet.
---

All in all a very good poem. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Hi! ^,,^ This is really good There don't seem to be any problems with the writing that I can see! I really like the imagery that is presented here ^°^ The emphasis on the eyes feels very powerful . . . . Small children are famous for having big eyes, and this synthesises powerful associations within the reader's mind! The fall at the end summons up my own memories of falling lots Dx Further enhancing associations! The fun perception of life within the eyes seems to be perhaps one of the strongest points to me... Adults seem to forget how excited they were over many of the things that they now won't flinch an eyebrow at! So that's interesting Have a great day!

I love this poem very compelling to me because I get a whole lot of different meaning in mind head personal because I'm just creative like that. anyway I like you did a good job whatever inspired you to something book worthy.

Hello Rascalover,

This poem is really deep. It is also a bit sad.

I think it is excellent portrayal of when we lose someone to betrayal or flaws. At least that is how I interpreted it. My first thought was it was about losing someone because of life, death or some circumstance.

When someone leaves our life its like looking at the world through whole new eyes once again.

Nice work.

Hey, Rascalover! Strange here and I have a review for you!

Alright, time for me to express my feelings! I actually liked this poem. It portrayed a coming of age story fluently and peacefully as the river flows, but I found some minor problems about it. But, however, this poem had voice. It seemed powerful yet delicate at the same time with the imagery that was used.

Here's my first problem.

Your eyes are ballerinas,

Glistening at the big outside.

*Gasp*