Love
Tender and gentle,
Caressing my words to your ear,
It takes on a form of it’s own.
Filling me with swelling emotions,
A thriving heartbeat;
It shifts my thoughts to you only you.
Soft and warm,
Like a winter night spent in front of a fire,
It brightens the room of life.
We need it to survive
The lonely times.
It takes it’s loving arms, wrapping them around us.
The sharing of our worlds,
Us becoming one,
It’s called love.
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Amadeus is hunting for points, so here I am, reviewing a poem posted 8 years ago!
This is a very nice poem, and I like the concepts. There are just three grammatical errors that I see: One is in the line "It takes on a form of it's own" The "it's" should be "its".
2: The line "It shifts my thoughts to you only you." Just add a comma in there to make it "It shifts my thoughts to you, only you."
3: Another incorrect usage of "it's" in the line "It takes it's loving arms..." Just make it an "its".
And lastly, I think the last line is a little repetitive and too much of a "states the obvious" line. It isn't very... concluding.
Good job!
Hi, this is ZeldaIsShiek, here to review another amazing piece of literacy and beat the Werewolves once and for all! For the Witches shall win in the end! But before that happens, I am going to help you improve your writing as a whole and improve you as a Young Writer in the process. Of this I am certain. I like all literacy, regardless of what genre or subject it is falls under. When I review your work, this will become apparent to you. Are you ready? Let's begin the review!
I really like how you described love, and I think that you did a great job at describing how it feels! I think this poem talks about the kind of love you would experience with a family member or a best friend, not the kind of romantic or sexual love you experience with your partner. That's my theory, at least. This poem is very well-written and thoughtful, as most of your poems are, and I think that you will go far in life as a poet and a deep-thinker. That's all I have to say for this review, as I am hard-pressed to find review material within this poem. Just remember that someone always loves you, no matter who you are, and that it's always worth living for!!!!
-ZeldaIsShiek
I know what caressing means. I was trying to use it in a personification sort of way. I did not use a thesaurus. I really liked your review. thanks.
I know what caressing means. I was trying to use it in a personification sort of way. I did not use a thesaurus. I really liked your review. thanks.
"Caressing" is misused. A caress is a gentle touch. You can gently touch something to another thing, but how do you gentle touching something to another thing? Rather than just rely on a thesaurus, make sure to check in a dictionary that your usage is correct. Some words, though the meanings are similar, are not the same, and so they are used differently.
One thing I noticed was that you described love as loving.
...
You described what you were describing as itself. That defeats the entire purpose of trying to describe that thing, which is love in this case.
One of poetry's greatest strengths is that it can be used to describe something without ever directly describing it. By describing love as "loving", you undermined that strength. When coupled with the lack of imagery (how soft is "soft" and warm, "warm", for instance), this poem essentially reads as rattling husk, empty of any meaning or purpose.
I suggest that you completely overhaul this poem, starting with the imagery. Try describing what you are trying to describe in ways you have never heard it described and with words that are more precise than "soft" or "warm" or "lonely". Instead, show your readers exactly how soft that softness is, and do not describe what you are trying to describe as itself. If you do a good enough job, you may find that you will never need to state what the poem is about directly; it will have become obvious through your imagery.
It will take a lot of drafts, and it can be quite frustrating, but when you finally come up with the perfectly unique sets of imagery for a poem, it is extremely satisfying. And I know you can come up with that perfectly unique imagery if you just keep trying at it. :D
Hey Rascalover!
The words are well chosen and you describe really well what love is!
The poem is really beautiful. I quite enjoyed it
I'd put "In" instead of "The",
and I would put a coma after the first "you"
and you could also take out the "Us" in there
but that's just some things i would change, i find it flows better
-Truth-