Young Writers Society

Hello, Rascalover!!

This is Eros here to write a review for this beautiful piece of poetry!!

Honestly, this was as sweet as the title. I really loved this piece. It was amazigly written. The words you have used describes the the feelings and emotions very sweetly. Thats the reason I aid that I loved this poem. Moreover, it flows smoothly and has deep feelings in it. Tis is what I liked the most about the poem. It was a real specimen of beauty and romance togather. WONDEFUL and AMAZINGLY AWESOME!!

Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such awesome works like this one!!
Have a great day/evening!!
And...
Happy Review Day

Hey there Rascalover. It's just Lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin. I have to be on mobile for most of my reviews today so sorry in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes, and also the length of this review. It's hard to copy quotes and type BBCode on my phone.

So the previous reviewer mentioned this already but I got the same sort of vibe of the poem. The way you describe the love between these two characters, definitely sounds like an addiction and they can't get away from it.

The comparisons and the descriptions of each kiss were great and I got a lot of emotion from them. You got the emotional point across and I could feel the type of relationship you were trying to describe. You did a very good job at getting the point across. I love when the author does that in a work, makes everything so clear and j don't have to guess at symbolism and similes.

For once I liked the poem not being split at all by spaces or punctuation. I usually prefer it when authors split the lines up more but in the case of this poem, I think it needs to be together. To me, all of these thoughts are really happening in an instant, rather than being drawn over several minutes. Relation wise, they are really close and never seem to have a separating point. In most pieces you can tell if the lines should be separated or not. For yours I couldn't decide so o agree with the current arrangement.

The previous reviewer also already pointed out all of the grammar and spelling mistakes I had found. I thank them for that because I just realized my phone is acting up even more tonight and won't let me copy a single line.

Well that's about all I have for this review. Sorry if it was a hit short but I was not able to draw much from the poem to comment on. Good luck to you on any future projects.
Happy Review Day!
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs

To me, this poem tastes. The running metaphor comparing what I assume is something akin to a drug addiction to love relies heavily on the sensations of taste and touch.
The poem reads more as about drug addiction than as about the relationship.
I like the way the poem is divided into two stanzas by the sets of three. While there is no line break, it is still segmented.
Spelling nitpicks - 'her veil*' and 'for and* I do'.
There's good imagery here. 'Liquid ecstasy' is my favorite.
'For an(d) I do smooch' sounds 'off' as a line. I'm not sure what it's trying to say. Furthermore, perhaps changing the word 'smooch' would be helpful - it's not a word that shares the same tone as the rest of the work.
'As she and death kiss' - this could be intentional, or it might not - I'll point it out anyway. The rest of the poem has been about 'I', not 'she' - either this poem just swapped to third person or is now about a different subject? It's a pretty line; I like it, but it doesn't sound right... somehow? Either add something before so it fits in, or change the pronoun.
Overall, the running metaphor here is quite nice. Keep it up!