Trust

Hello there.
I really got interested in this work. Though the ending really make me feel sad. I can relate to this and not every person deserves our precious secrets and most importantly, our trust in them. We all had made this mistake to turn and open up for the wrong one. This is a very beautiful sad poetry of yours that I love and for the feelings and the idea of it, I can not complain. But as I know myself I will find something to complain about. This is the punctuation and grammar. Specificly in this work, because you are good in this in novels.(as I saw)




Trust.
A funny,
five letter word.
You blew mine away
like dust.


My world has
been held by many.
But by you is when it was perfect.

The confidence
I held in you, maybe too strong.

A perfect listener, giver of advice.
You aren’t suppose to be capable
Of this kind of hurt.

Having you locked away.
Makes me feel incredible sadness.

I can’t breathe,
sleep,
or think of anything but you.

I told you things.
My most precious don’t know.

Feeling hurt, violated, sickened.
I could never face you again.
Yet, I don’t want you to be thought ill of.

You were a good person.
most good falls into evil.
You were a person of value.
My friend,
my educator.

Hey there! Music here for a review.

Firstly, fabulous job! This was a deep, relatable piece I felt connected with. I think most of us strive for that in our poems, so well done. I also enjoyed your format of the poem it drove it nicely and flower uniquely together.

The only nit pick I have is the ending stanza. I don't really get the term "educator". I would suggest changing that to a different word and also switching up educator and friend to add the effect of who you thought this person really was. The good and evil thing was decent, I think it pertains to the idea of the poem,but not so much the story, you know? That's totally up to you though to change any of that.

So great job! I liked this poem. Keep writing, I hope to here more from you soon!

~ musicandme

Trust.
A funny
Five letter word (nice beginning)

You blew mine away
Like dust

My world has
Been held by many
But by you (a little awkward) is when it was perfect

The confidence
I held in you was too strong

A perfect listener, giver of advice
You aren’t suppose to be capable
Of this kind of hurt
(good emotion, it makes this poem relatable to the reader)

Having you locked away
Makes me feel incredible sadness

I can’t breathe,
Sleep,
Or think of anything but you

I told you things
My most precious don’t know (?)

Feeling hurt, violated, sickened
I could never face you again
Yet, I don’t want you to be thought ill of

You were a good person
Most good falls into evil

You were a person of value
My friend
My educator
(ended kind of suddenly, maybe add one last line or switch the two last lines so that friend is last)

Where you two more than friends? I feel like you were, and if you were than you should mention that in the last stanza. Good job! I liked it a lot : )

This was so sad. The emotion you put behind this was amazing. But, you seriously need to focus on your punctuation and grammar!! Others have really picked up on that. I think you should take their advice!
There was one thing though, I did not agree with:

Rascalover wrote:Most good falls into evil

Rascalover wrote:My friend
My educator

Trust. I like the period here.
A funny
Five letter word Period here.

You blew mine away
Like dust Period

My world has
Been held by many Try a comma here, perhaps.
But by you is when is was perfect Period.

The confidence
I held in you, maybe too strong Period.

A perfect listener, giver of advice Comma, since you're also addressing 'perfect listening'
You aren’t suppose to be capable
Of this kind of hurt Period.

Having you locked away
Makes me feel incredible sadness Period. Sadness is a dry word. Try sorrow, or remorse, or something.

I can’t breathe,
Sleep,
Or think of anything but you Period.

I told you things Comma, and things? Thoughts might be better.
My most precious don’t know Uhm...I'm not sure how this is a sentece.

Feeling hurt, violated, sickened
I could never face you again Period.
Yet, I don’t want you to be thought ill of Period.

You were a good person Period. Good ending!!
Most good falls into evil Why is this line here? It seems sort of random.

You were a person of value Semicolin.
My friendcomma
My educatorperiod.

Trust. comma instead
A funny
Five letter word

You blew mine away
Like dust period

My world has I dislike this choppy line structure
Been held by many
But by you is when is was perfect eh, I get what you're saying but youre not saying it gracefully

The confidence
I held in you, maybe too strong good stanza

A perfect listener, giver of advice
You aren’t suppose to be capable
Of this kind of hurt another good stanza

Having you locked away it's this persons free will to do you wrong, is it not?
Makes me feel incredible sadness

I can’t breathe,
Sleep,
Or think of anything but you you're getting cliche here

I told you things
My most precious don’t know instead of precious use 'dearest'/=. Precious sounds like Lord of the Rings

Feeling hurt, violated, sickened
I could never face you again
Yet, I don’t want you to be thought ill of The imagery is lacking in this stanza

You were a good person
Most good falls into evil don't use simple language like 'good'

You were a person of value
My friendcomma
My educator This doesn't feel finished. You should end with a statement

Hi there. Lavvi in to review.

I found this to be not exceptional, but not terrible. I've read so many poems like this before that it didn't really strike me as new or original. Already people have pointed out the obvious errors but I'd like you to use punctuation. It just seems very blank without it and extremely choppy. You definitely need some commas in there.

Yours,
Lavvi

beautiful poem!! you've captured the feleings very well in this write!!

Trust.
A funny
Five letter word
You blew mine away absolutely love these two sentences
Like dust
My world has
Been held by many
But by you is when is was perfect I think is should be it
The confidence I held in you,
maybe too strong
A perfect listener,
giver of advice
You aren’t suppose to be capable
Of this kind of hurt
Having you locked away
Makes me feel incredible sadness
I can’t breathe,Sleep,Or think of anything but you
I told you things
My most precious don’t know
Feeling hurt, violated, sickened
I could never face you again
Yet, I don’t want you to be thought ill of
You were a good person
Most good falls into evil
You were a person of value I love how you finish with speaking good of that person even after
My friend what the person has done to you
My educator

Oh myy I'm soo sorry for youu. Believe me, i know what you're going through,,,going through the same thing right now myself...I hope you get better soon. All the best. Oh and ofcourse: beautiful poem (apart for some small grammatical mistakes :p). Keep it up!

Trust
by Rascalover on Fri Apr 08, 2011 9:57 pm
Trust.
A funny
Five letter word

You blew mine away
Like dust

My world has
Been held by many
But by you is when is was perfect

The confidence
I held in you, maybe too strong

A perfect listener, giver of advice
You aren’t suppose to be capable
Of this kind of hurt

Having you locked away
Makes me feel incredible sadness

I can’t breathe,
Sleep,
Or think of anything but you

I told you things
My most precious don’t know

Feeling hurt, violated, sickened
I could never face you again
Yet, I don’t want you to be thought ill of

You were a good person
Most good falls into evil

You were a person of value
My friend
My educator

*Nice words. A few typos, but those can be overlooked. I want to know more about who this person you trusted so much was, though. A sibling? Other family member? Boyfriend or girlfriend? Spouse? Friend? Teacher? Revealing a little more about this person would let me experience your feelings better.