Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,849 Literary Works • 672,067 Reviews
I really like this. I like the way you used similies, metaphors and personifacation to bring the pen to life. Very nice job.
I liked the idea of this poem, but it didn't flow very well to me at all, although I admit to writing poetry like that, too
.
The season analogy was interesting; the pen as fall and the paper as winter. I think that you should try changing the pen to summer, because summer and winter are opposites, therefore the paper and pen being enemies would make more sense. Don't pay any attention to this review if you think I'm completely wrong, because I'm not sure it's completely right. Overall, good job, and (like many reviewers before me on YWS), keep writing!
I love the new take on this. A lot writers like to write about writing and writer's block and such (a gratuitous form of writing, to be sure) but this poem was differently a fresh take.
A few nitpicks:
you either have to add more description (which would probably ruin the rhythm of the poem) or change the simile a little. I know what you're getting at, like the crisp coldness of fall but for me fall is kind of soggy, wishy-washy, an awkward transition between summer and winter.
it's= its (that's just a typo obviously, but still important to the meaning)
I don't like the repetition of "into"
I think the second to last line should read "into every line"
it just flows better. Also I feel like you should punch up the last line a little, as it is the end of your poem and you want to end on a really strong note.
Besides that, great job. You really conveyed the personalities of the pen and paper and turned writing into an adventure.