Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Article / Essay » Science


The Ball Of Ice

by MemoryHunter


This is a draft of the article I wrote during our training for this contest. I still haven't received the final output.

-------------

In the midst of the stars and questionable alien life forms, orbiting the great Saturn in all its glory, is a sunlight-reflecting ball of ice. Cassini waves. Enceladus waves back. 

NASA revealed pictures of Enceladus, Saturn's sixth largest moon. It's known to be one of the brightest objects in our solar system, reflecting huge amounts of sunlight that its surface temperature is cold in extreme lengths. Cassini-Huygens, an unmanned spacecraft sent to Saturn, was used in order to capture the images. 

Measuring 500 kilometers or 310 miles in diameter, Enceladus is about tenth of Titan, Saturn's largest moon, 

The terrain of this satellite shows variety as its features differ with one thing in common: ice.

It's suspected to be able to harbor life, due to the liquid water possibly hiding beneath its facade. 

Maybe it can sustain life, maybe it can't. Nevertheless, this satellite is definitely bright, too bright that it can pull off being the sun's soulmate. 

Enceladus grins with its bright surface, poses for Cassini, and waves again. 

......

Sorry it's short and not that much. Honestly, I'm having a bad Writer's block and I just saw this in my notebook so I decided to publish it. 


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
38 Reviews


Points: 3386
Reviews: 38

Donate
Wed Dec 30, 2015 5:53 am
View Likes
Odd wrote a review...



Hello, I am here to review your essay.

I'd like to say, this is pretty informative and well-written enough. However, I wish you could have written some more of this! If you could develop this and put add more information to it, it could be really good. You start off really well, the first sentence of the essay catches my attention immediately.

Cassini waves. Enceladus waves back.

I especially liked this. And even for the people that do not know what Enceladus is, and who are thinking that by Enceladus you mean the Giant in Greek mythology, you clearly explain it in the next paragraph. So I would say that your first two paragraphs are really good!

Then, in my opinion, it starts going a bit downward. It's like you had a lot of facts and you did not exactly feel like putting them all together, so you just left it there. You are trying to convince your reader of something, so use the information you have and put it together to make a great text. Even with using the same information you had there, if you had joined the third, fourth, fifth, and even sixth paragraph into one, the essay would look a lot more consistent and the content would also look better. Otherwise, it does not look like that much.

reflecting huge amounts of sunlight that its surface temperature is cold in extreme lengths.

This sentence does not make much sense. Try separating it into two maybe, because here you have two different points in one same sentence and it does not exactly work.

Then, you forgot a word here:
Enceladus is about a tenth of Titan
.

Enceladus grins with its bright surface, poses for Cassini, and waves again.

This is a good way to take the reader back to the beginning and a good way to end your essay.

Anyway, I'd like to read this if you ever get over your writer's block and develop it, so let me know if you ever do.

Finally, do not use bold letters for the whole length of your essay, because it can hurt the reader's eyes and they may not want to read your essay. Similarly to caps, whenever you see bold letters it feels like the narrator is speaking loudly, so don't overuse them! Seriously though, try to avoid doing that.

Keep on writing!




MemoryHunter says...


Yay thank you for reviewing! I'm sorry for the bold letters though, I think I just published this without knowing if the formatting is okay xD I will improve it when I feel okay :3



Odd says...


You're welcome, and that's all up to you!



User avatar
624 Reviews


Points: 3571
Reviews: 624

Donate
Sun Dec 20, 2015 6:36 am
View Likes
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya MemoryHunter! Matthew here for a short review!
Well, first off, I have to say the interrupter in the first sentence got me. Not used to seeing that, but I hope I see more of it!
Secondly, the last two sentences of the first paragraph, in my opinion at least, would have done better as one sentence instead of two. To shorten it down, but make a longer flow, ya know?
Third thing- Third paragraph. "Enceladus is about tenth," I think you forgot to use,"A," before,"Tenth."
Another thing is,"Maybe it can sustain life, maybe it can't." I think a semicolon would work better there.
All in all, it's not a BAD article. It's rather good, I would love to read the whole thing! I hope I get to see more of your work! (I know I said that earlier in my review of your poem, but I can never have enough reading and reviewing!) If you ever need anything reviewed, or just need help or a proofread, I'm usually free to do so! I hope you continue with your writing!
Sincerely- MatthewAaron.




MemoryHunter says...


Thank yooooooou for your review :3



Casanova says...


Nooooooooo problem! Anything else you want reviewed?




Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
— Mark Twain