ROYGBIV

I kinda dig this. You have a knack for unforced rhyme, and that's pretty cool. I'll explain.

So about 94.196% of rhymes conducted by poets amateur or professional are as bad as the water in Flint, Michigan. This is because the poem is built from rhyme up instead of concept-up or content-up. I don't believe this was the case here. You thought about colors first: concept, and the rhymes followed. Therefore, the content that fell between was natural and nonplussed by the rhymes at the end. In fact, it may have enjoyed them.

You tell an entire story throughout the piece, and while it's not exactly fresh, it's not stale, either. Your concept + the story + the rhymes keep the piece fresh in its own right, which is the ultimate goal of poetry: to be fresh and unique in your own right. And you accomplish this with aplomb, so I applaud you.

My takeaway quote from the entire poem is the final line, which is a wonderful stinger that I believe I'll remember for quite some time.

My suggestions for this would be experimentation, but with caveats:

1. Do not delete what you write so that you know how you improve and make mistakes and may study it.
2. Mess around with your meter and see what pleases you and displeases you. Make it funky, make it different. Shock yourself with what you can pull off.
3. Experiment with your flow and line breaks; the rhymes will endure regardless of placement--I promise.

And let me know how the experiments go if you try them.
Ty

I enjoyed your poem. Your closer was probably my favorite part of the poem. I enjoyed the flow of your poem and thought it was rather creative to use the Rainbow to describe love. The length did not take away from the poem at all and I believe your point was made.

Hey itz Menusha here and I'd like to drop a short review.

So your poem is a love poem i see (wink) so actually the flow of the poem is nice..and as its a love poem it adds a mellow to your poem. And your imagery is spot on and very much symbolical. You have usd colors to convey your idea which is very mature and wise. I really like that in your poem.

So ok thats it : ) itz all a compliment i guess so anyway keep it up.
Thank you : )
_ MENU_

Hi MemoryHunter, I'm dropping by for a review.

Your idea about using the colors of the rainbow for a love poem was fantastic! Love can be so vivid and really life-changing to the lovers that using different colors as symbols of the "process" of love was really powerful. I also loved the way you could sneak in a rhyme scheme here and it isn't too awkward.

The only awkward rhyming word I found here was "with such malign". It feels rather off in this poem.

One part that really jarred me, though, was the last line. It somehow felt disconnected, you see? A bit of a flow problem? Maybe it could be improved if you could merge it with the lines. Another flow problem I spotted was the line about yellow. It felt too short compared to the rest of the poem and slightly shook the strength of your flow.

But other than these minor structure nitpicks, your poem was really enjoyable to read and I think that's all I got for this poem. Hope this review helped!

I really enjoy this poem! I love the simplicity of it. I think you should just fix the last line. I like the part "rainbows born in tangent lines", but I'm not sure you need the "we were" part. Or something like

violet spun our separate lives;

these rainbows born in tangent lines.

Also with the second line- I like orange and desire, but consider using a different word other than soul. Souls are these ethereal things and desire, associated with lust, is very concrete. Maybe use heart or mind or something like that.