The first Flood fell in Spring,
Freezing
my heart beat. Beads
of sweat
Screaming.
I wrote and wrote and wrote
Drowning
I bathed in the black sea
of Ink
Sinking.
I learned to swim as if I were
Running
away, away from something
of dread
Gasping.
And still, even if I know how to
Breathe,
like Charybdis, the waters
Swallow
all of my dreams.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,447 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Hi there! I'm Green and I'm here to offer a review on your poem.
Firstly, as someone who has anxiety, I could really relate to this poem. You captured feelings of anxiety in a way I haven't seen before. The comparison to swimming, drowning and being in water is something that really greatly reflects what anxiety can feel like. Especially since I have a HUGE fear of the water & swimming aha.
Secondly, the imagery was really great, it felt like i was reading a short story about someone drowning.
I thought the use of punctuation and capitalisation was clever. A lot of people might be pedantic about this but I really believe that poetry is whatever you want it to be and I think that the irregular capital letters really helps the feeling of anxiety that is spreading throughout the poem, since anxiety hardly conforms to the rules of poetry.
Also, just as a quick note from someone who loves Greek mythology, I like the imagery of Charybdis.
I can't think of any criticisms! So just keep up the great work
Keep writing!
-4revgreen
Hi @MemoryHunter! @NastyMajesty in for a review! Nice to meetcha
Anyways, let's just hop right into it.
I think you should reorganize these two lines. Maybe something likeGrows
would work a bit better. Other than that, I don't have any other suggestions lol.
Glows
O M G ! Okay so I really loved this poem it was super amazing and super relatable. I especially love this stanza: It has such vivid description and deep meaning. I love how you included the whirlpool (or is it the Greek myth lol?) of Charybdis inside this poem which made it so much more interesting. Overall, amazing job. I absolutely loved it. Keep writing!
Thank you for your review and suggestion! I was having trouble with those two lines, since I wanted every second and fifth line of each stanza to be just one word (specifically, a gerund). I suppose I can change it up a bit for it to flow better
ohhh I see lol