z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Charybdis

by MemoryHunter


The first Flood fell in Spring,
Freezing
my heart beat. Beads
of sweat
Screaming. 

I wrote and wrote and wrote
Drowning
I bathed in the black sea
of Ink
Sinking. 

I learned to swim as if I were
Running
away, away from something
of dread
Gasping. 

And still, even if I know how to
Breathe,
like Charybdis, the waters
Swallow
all of my dreams. 

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235 Reviews

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Reviews: 235

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Thu Nov 19, 2020 1:46 pm
4revgreen wrote a review...



Hi there! I'm Green and I'm here to offer a review on your poem.

Firstly, as someone who has anxiety, I could really relate to this poem. You captured feelings of anxiety in a way I haven't seen before. The comparison to swimming, drowning and being in water is something that really greatly reflects what anxiety can feel like. Especially since I have a HUGE fear of the water & swimming aha.

Secondly, the imagery was really great, it felt like i was reading a short story about someone drowning.

I thought the use of punctuation and capitalisation was clever. A lot of people might be pedantic about this but I really believe that poetry is whatever you want it to be and I think that the irregular capital letters really helps the feeling of anxiety that is spreading throughout the poem, since anxiety hardly conforms to the rules of poetry.

Also, just as a quick note from someone who loves Greek mythology, I like the imagery of Charybdis.

I can't think of any criticisms! So just keep up the great work :-)

Keep writing!

-4revgreen




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Points: 0
Reviews: 63

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Thu Nov 19, 2020 3:34 am
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NastyMajesty wrote a review...



Hi @MemoryHunter! @NastyMajesty in for a review! Nice to meetcha :) Anyways, let's just hop right into it.
Grows

Running
away, away from something
I think you should reorganize these two lines. Maybe something like
Running away,
away from something
would work a bit better. Other than that, I don't have any other suggestions lol.

Glows
O M G ! Okay so I really loved this poem it was super amazing and super relatable. I especially love this stanza:
I wrote and wrote and wrote
Drowning
I bathed in the black sea
of Ink
Sinking.
It has such vivid description and deep meaning. I love how you included the whirlpool (or is it the Greek myth lol?) of Charybdis inside this poem which made it so much more interesting. Overall, amazing job. I absolutely loved it. Keep writing!
:D




MemoryHunter says...


Thank you for your review and suggestion! I was having trouble with those two lines, since I wanted every second and fifth line of each stanza to be just one word (specifically, a gerund). I suppose I can change it up a bit for it to flow better :D


Random avatar
NastyMajesty says...


ohhh I see lol




The reason a boat sinks isn't the water around it. It sinks when water gets into it. Don't let what's happening around you weigh you down.
— dalisay