Young Writers Society

Hullo MemoryHunter,

This is an interesting poem you have here. I like the relative simplicity of your concept, just looking at the colour green and the way you slide that into something a little more significant to your narrator.

What you might like to consider is reading this out loud, so that you can get a real feel for the rhythm of your poem. At the moment it feels a little jagged and uneven in the lines, without a lot of freedom for flow and movement between the lines. I can see that you worked on your imagery but I think you could consider expanding on it. Maybe something that could be included are more metaphors or similes to encourage your audience, your readers, to really get into what you're telling them and connect with the concepts that you're presenting.

Right now I can feel what you're saying but I do feel that it may have been more clearly and expressively said through a shorter poem with longer lines. Short lines in a stanza aren't a problem but I think that the added depth would be good for what you're presenting to us.

This is an interesting poem but I think with a little bit of extra work it could be something really good. If you do change this please let me know, I'd love to have a look at it. Thank you for posting!

- Penguin.

Hi,
Green...
Aww...

**Review's Starting!**

A simple poem, such as yours, caught my eyes. I love on how people explain a single thing into prose of poetry. Indeed, green brought many things. If my mood is bad, I'd imagine green as disgusting, slimy and *coughs*. If my mood is good, I'd imagine green as a very calming images, swaying trees in the spring and my beautiful wallpaper I used recently... I would like to stress out that this poem got a good foundation: It is an extended metaphor you used, green. Many related things, good.

Well...

The speaker got an interesting prospect and mind (don't worry, it's not you) and despairing states. Despair is so relating to most nowadays, young poets like me. It may because we are young that most of our experiences might be filled with sadness that leads to despair and I write poems because I want to express my sadness--to condemn my despair into words. I surely want to know why the speaker speaks things like that and yes, you explained it in the end and I LOVE you. It got motive on why the speaker hate and think negatively about the green color that supposedly, a wonderful, calming, soothing color to many.

Enough with my preaching...

Don't you think that this poem got enough lines already? I think it is necessary to remove or combine the middle stanzas. They are somehow repeating and making me wanted to leave early just now. To me, the shorter the better, but if it's to be short, it must be meaningful enough to support it. First rule, don't ever, ever waste your readers' time. It making you look bad. Look below...

Where there is life,
there is death
Green is life,
green is death

Hi I love the poem it is fantastic so keep up the good work MemoryHunter.

Your friend jessiebear.