Acacia

Alright, so, let's get into the news.

Spoiler alert: I will not be nice in this review. Mostly because it's part of my nature, but it's also attributed to my being triggered by this "poem."

A brief rundown of the entire thing:

The persona used to like this acacia tree back then. You know, they liked to touch the firm roots of the tree and all that fancy stuff. Then they would let their mom bring out her special white slippers. She would scream at the persona to get inside, while the beads of sweat dripped from their hot cheeks.

That was before. They never saw that tree again, for the land that it came from became barren. Their mother suggested that they replace the tree with a broad oak tree; the persona reluctantly agreed to it.

The poem ends saying that perhaps it was because of the white slippers, or the evanescence of their sweaty brown skin. Or maybe, just maybe, it's the feeling of having of having an acacia tree.

First concern of this "poem": It doesn't feel like a poem. I put the quotation marks on the word "poem" because it technically is, but it doesn't feel like one. And it doesn't feel like one because it feels more like prose. It's like the author just wrote up a paragraph in regular prose, then chopped that boi up into stanzas and lines then pasted this pseudo-poem on the Poetry section. But no. It feels like prose. It fails to make itself known as a poem. I believe this is the first thing that triggered me so far.

One problem with this is that it it throws away the poetic feel. Prose is actually pretty plain, and it isn't helped by the somewhat plain diction in this piece. Because of that, there is pretty much no flavor in this "poem." Thus, it fails to make an impact in the audience, fails to evoke any feelings from the reader.

What I suggest to make it better at this point is to get rid of the prose. Then spice it up a bit. Add a little bit of that poetic and nostalgic feel that this "poem" ought to have.

Second concern is this scene of touching the roots of the acacia. I get that it's supposed to be a metaphor, or a symbolism. But a metaphor for what? Happiness? Simply rubbing the roots of an acacia would be something anyone would do if they were bored. Me, I would climb that tree. What about boredom? That's not logical. Why would you write and dedicate a poem to a tree you weren't even interested in? In the end, I would like to ask: What are you trying to say through these metaphors?

Third concern, the second stanza is pretty confusing. I believe that this stanza would be taken two ways:

First possibility, the readers would get the true meaning of this stanza. Basically, they would see the mother yelling at the persona to get the hell inside. If not, they're gonna throw that slipper at them like the little cockroach that they are.

Second possibility, the readers might think the poem made a really big jump. First the stanza opens up with the persona's mother bringing out the "special white slippers,"- then holyshitwtfjusthappened!? She's suddenly screaming at the persona to get the hell in! What is this? Personally, this was me the first time I read this "poem."

Yeah, it's confusing. It didn't really explain that it was the same scenario, it's just that the mother was screaming at the persona with a slipper at hand.

Another problem with this stanza is the word "let." It implies that the persona allowed their mother to scream at them, as if they had control over her. So yes, best we watch that wording.

Fourth concern, allow me to challenge the logic of this third stanza. How can anyone grow a f*cking oak tree on f*cking barren land? How? Just how? I'd pay anyone ten thousand dollars to grow a goddamn oak tree on land that has been deprived of all its nutrients! Just tell me, how the f*ck does that sh*t happen?

Fifth concern, what is the fourth stanza referring to? It says that maybe it's because of the white slippers, or the evanescence of their sweaty brown skin. And maybe, just maybe, it's the feeling of having an acacia tree. What happened because of the white slippers, or the evanescence of their sweaty brown skin? And what is the "it" that the fourth line is referring to? Basically, this stanza is very vague in the way it expresses itself because nobody but the writer knows what this stanza is talking about.

And I suppose this ends my review. If I were to describe this "poem" in three words, I would use: impulsive, "poem," and whatthehellamIsupposedtofeellikesrslymangthispoemhasnoflavoratallandbarelyevokesanyemotionsinthereader

glhf in your future endeavors

Hey, Godly here for a review and happy review day!

Wow this is amazing! I've never read anything so good! The punctuation is on point, the story is interesting and it's incredibly structured. You have just earned a new follower for this! First of all I love the descriptions and sophisticated language of this. You help the reader create an image in their head making the whole story come to life. This is an excellent way of introducing the reader to the world you have created and you draw them in to want to read more. This is a great talent of yours and a good rhythm in your writing is apparent. Another thing I love is the message you supposedly create from this. You show us that we can get attached to the strangest of things but they resonate with us and become part of something we love. However not everyone is accepting enough of this as they don't understand you. They try to fix you by changing what you love with something similar. And the worst part is, in fact, that we let them do it. The allow them into our world as the slightly change you. Causing you to lose what is most important to you.

Overall this poem is defiantly up there with my favourites and you are incredibly talented.

Keep writing I'd love to read more from you!
All the best,
Godly