Young Writers Society

this
is gorgeous
beyond
words
like the
countryside
set ablaze
by the
fall

Hi!
First of all, I love the font and the shape of the poem. It's so brilliantly creative, and the description and imagery is so poetic and satisfying.
I especially loved "bloodshot red", "ebony hairs tangled in demise", and "lo and behold the beauty is but a heart frozen cold" because they just roll off the tongue.

I love the topic as well, making it darker and a bit more realistic when it comes to "true loves kiss" was just a perfect idea for this poem.

One thing I did notice, though it might just be me, is that the beginning is sort of difficult to read because of the stem of the apple, but that's really all I could find that wasn't positive, and it has nothing to do with the writing of the poem.

Great job!

-Space

Firstly, i just loved the way you have written the content in the shape of an apple. You have portrayed the story of snow white beautifully in just a few lines. The description of the apple as 'bloodshot red' and the sky as 'vermilion' really added to the charm. And the heart being 'frozen cold' though her beauty being unaffected, implying that snow white has fallen into a deep slumber.

But what i fail to understand is - 'maroon' words of a stranger, and how can her lips seldom open?

But overall the poetry was wonderfully written, especially the apple shape.

Hi! Danni here for a hopefully quick review!
So, first of all, I love the apple shape. That must have taken quite some time. Well done!

Now for the nitpicks:
I can't actually find many, but I'm unsure what 'lips that seldom open not close' means. And like Radrook, I don't understand how a stranger's words can be maroon.
Chests? Is there someone else with her? How can she have more than one?

If her heart is frozen cold, are you implying she is evil? It seems a strange term to use.

I thought this was very inventive and unique! It needs a bit more work, but I like it.

Sorry if my review was a bit harsh, this is my first poetry review!

Thanks and keep on writing,

Danni x

Thanks for sharing this poetic description of the famous Snow White story. That is an amazing job with the shape of an apple in words. That must have taken quite a while to get just right. In fact, before I even started reading I just delved on the accomplishment for quite a while.

Questions engendered by the read:


How are her tangled hairs the cause of her demise?

I would avoid the word “hairs” because to some people it connotes short hairs or pubic hair.

Since Dwarven is the language of dwarfs, how is she resting in a language of dwarfs? Perhaps "dwarfish" was intended?
http://www.dictionary.com/browse/dwarfish

How does she have chests instead of a chest?

How are the stranger’s words maroon?

Her lips are seldom open nor closed? I found this expression confusing and impossible to visualize.

Those are questions that the poem impelled me to ask and made me halt in my reading to ponder their meaning.