Hi! herbgirl here for a review!
So, I'd like to start out by saying this poem and interesting format which I must admit I am a fan of. It's different, which helped draw me in. I also liked how you wrote about this person, this topic. It was very poetic, and I could easily picture the scenes you were painting.
First, in the second line of the first stanza, I think you mean "wreak havoc" instead of "wreck havoc." Just a little mistake, simple fix. Also in the first stanza, you say "strangle my chest." This didn't make sense to me. Strangle generally means to choke or squeeze someones neck with the intention of killing them. I suggest using a different word, perhaps "constrict," or something similar.
In the second stanza, I must admit I was vaguely confused when you said "they'll tell mom and dad." Who is "they"? The voices? I thought the voices were just in your head! I think it would be good if you made this point a little bit clearer.
Finally, in the last stanza you said "sometimes, i grow up." This statement didn't make much sense to me, although I can sort of understand what you're saying, like the person sometimes realizes that this is silly, the voices mean nothing, I don't have to take this, and the voices go away. But the expression is still kind of strange.
Anyways, despite my criticisms, I really liked this poem! I thought it was well thought out and communicated your ideas well!
Thanks for the read,
herbgirl
Points: 575
Reviews: 193
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