I'm the paper girl
with the paper hands.
I have wrinkly fingers,
and recycled friends.
I'm the paper girl
you used and wrote on -
my paper face really loves
those paper quotes.
This paper girl
is crumpled each day,
until it has been so crumpled
that it is thrown away.
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Canary word: Present
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125,031 Literary Works • 672,905 Reviews
Hey there. Jonathan here to review your poem!
I really love this. I love your tone and I love this refrain of "paper girl". Mainly in this review, I'll be talking about avoiding cliches when making this comparison of yourself to paper which is, I think we both have to admit, something that's been done before. But I like your take on it. Let's start with the first stanza.
One - I like this idea of "recycled friends", but it's never explored further. If anything, in this metaphor /you're/ the one who's recycled. Also, the "I have" doesn't really work here (in my opinion). It's one too many syllables for me-- lines 1, 2, and 4 are all 5, but this line ("I have wrinkled fingers") is 6.
Two - This is, unfortunately, my least favorite of these three stanzas. This is where the cliche actually starts. "I'm the paper girl / you used and wrote on -" ~ this idea is used often when making this comparison of a person to paper. I don't mean to be harsh, but I would cut this part out altogether. I think you can find a more original way to express this idea of being stepped on. You're an excellent writer.
Three - I think the rhyme actually works well here to wrap up the poem. One thing I'd like to ask-- why "it"? Does that help you humanize the girl? What about "she" or another pronoun of your choice. I'm actually curious here, not specifically suggesting a revision. This seems purposeful.
Keep writing!
Jonathan
reminds me of paper towns by John Green
good work bud
Hey there,
This is quite interesting. A lot of poetry I read, whether published or not, have unique styles. Your work here exemplifies this.
In this review, I will talk about three different things I've noticed.
The last stanza uses 'it' to refer to this "paper girl" - I'm thinking it sound better with 'she':
This paper girl
is crumpled each day,
until she is so crumpled
That she is thrown away.
I don't know if you used 'it' on purpose, but that's just a suggestion.
Now, I love the concept of this poem, the story and everything. The idea resonates well with many people. Quite lovely, overall.
I like the particular rhythm of the second stanza:
I'm the paper girl
you used and wrote on -
my paper face really loves
those paper quotes.
I love that it doesn't rhyme but it is the most relatable stanza of the whole poem. Great job with the formatting too.
It's simple but resonating.
The inconsistency was probably there because I have this habit of writing inconsistently, despite people telling me not to. I'll check up on that. THANKS FOR YOUR REVIEW,
Hey there MemoryHunter! HJope you're having an amazing Friday! Just your good pal, vva here with a helpful review!
I actually don't have a lot to say involving my concerns on this poem, because I really liked and enjoyed it! This is mostly just me dropping by to give you a kudos on this awesome peice you've got here!
I'd first like to address the fact that I really enjoy the rhythm and beat that you've got in your poetry. As someone who really struggles with finding consistent beat and rhythm, I appreciate your ability to do so. For the most part, that beat you've got is persistent throughout the rest of the piece. And gives your poem something of musical, lyrical touch which I really like.
The image is also really gorgeous. I love the last line of this stanza. "Recycled friends". God, that's such a visually satisfying image. I like saying it out loud. Recycled friends, recycled friends. Wrinkly fingers and recycled friends... it just sounds nice, you know? It's one of those poetic ideas that just sticks with you. I'm actually a bit envious that I didn't come up with that before you did! Darn you, MemoryHunter!
The only grammatical issue with this stanza is that there shouldn't be a comma after the word fingers, but otherwise, you're fine. Onto the second verse!
Now, I'm a bit concerned about the second line of this stanza. This is the only moment where you kind of drop that really nice beat you had. (You pick up afterwards, don't worry, this is just an observation). See, it's the word "used". It sounds a bit awkward and out of place. Used is such a vague word, and the rest of your poem is well... not vague. It's descriptive and visually fulfilling so using a word like used makes that word something of an outlier. And it's not an important word or word with very much meaning. If it were a word with significance to the poem, I understand why you might make it an outlier. It didn't really work here, though. Don't sweat it! Happens to the best of us. Aanndd you pick yourself up in the next stanza! Speaking of which...
The only thing that I have to nitpick here is that the paper girl is crumbled each day. So, it'd make more sense to say that SHE is crumpled away, rather than IT is, right? Since you've given personification to the paper, you've got to be consistent with it. And also, there's an unnecessary comma after day!
Otherwise, great ending! It maintains that nice beat you've got in the beginning and it's carried through nicely. It's a very conclusive ending, which is difficult to achieve in a poem.
It's an overall crisp and well paced poem with nice rhythm and memorable images with just a few nitpicks here and there. Well done! Keep up the good work and write away.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR REVIEW! The inconsistency was something I didn't think about, and I have this habit of writing inconsistently, so it was awesome that you pointed it out. I agree that used is a bland word, but I had to put it in there because it is what we do to paper in real life. We use paper, but in this case it has a different, not so literal approach. ANYWAY, THANK YOU FOR THIS REVIEW!