Like Stars in the Sky

This is my second read and review on your work and I think you are a really good and promising writer. I notice though that the same thing happens where you start on a high and then...kind of dwindle. Not to a flatline, just not as great as it started out. I absolutely fell for you metaphor to begin with...so I'm like a star ? You do seem as though you specialty would in fact be stories... more than I can say for my failed attempts....but I'd like to read then. that is a warning if you see me commenting on any of your stories. It's not stalking since I told you before hand...right?
Good job keep writing.

Hi there! I've been gone for some time, and I'm still unfamiliar with the new site format- so please excuse me if this is typed or submitted in an odd way.

I'll start my review with your subject matter: I like it. You have a great message, and that's half the battle. It's very sweet. I also like your comparison of people to stars and their life and deeds to light. That's very poetic, and definitely something to work with.

Next: Your basic formatting. It seems fine, and since it's poetry, there's really no need for punctuation unless you want it. However, I personally find it a little distracting when there is punctuation (commas, in your case) within the verses but no punctuation on the lines. It's not a egregious error or anything, but you might want to consider it.

Onto the poem itself: You have a good start. You've got a message, you know how to present it, you have the means to do it creatively. However, I'm just not a fan of the way this is written. It's very, very straightforward. One big rule, most especially in poetry, is 'show, don't tell.' You show us virtually nothing. To be honest, this feels like a conversational letter broken up into lines. This feels less poetic and more like you commanding me to go help people. And even if that's the point of your poem, it's not how you should be conveying it. Rather than
"Try saving someone's life
From drugs or alcohol
Or from a careless driver
Or maybe even from themselves"

See how you can phrase it differently. Use metaphor. An idea: if humans are stars, try applying that idea to everything directly. Instead of "try saving someone's life", you could say something far more poetic like "And when the sky is dark, illuminate the lost souls below you." Obviously don't use that exactly as it is my words. I'm just trying to show you how to present your ideas. The most important part of poetry is the language. Your words should be eloquent, flowing, and beautiful. Right now, your poem is too directly worded to accomplish anything.

In conclusion: You have the start of what can be a great poem here. It has a lot of potential. However, you need to show instead of tell and work on your language in general. As it is right now, it's not really poetic at all.

Hope I helped! Keep writing.

-Tori

I loved it. Great job.

Simply Beautiful.