I'm picking up the broken pieces
That you left behind
When your fragile heart was shattered
By the world's hateful lies
They hurt you
They ruined you
But I was always there
Picking up the broken pieces
That trailed along the ground
You walked with your head bowed
And your feet dragged on the ground
As your personality crumbled
And you began to fall apart
You lost your spirit
You lost your faith
But still I was there
Picking up the broken pieces
Trying to put you back together
But still you just kept crumbling
And it became much harder
To keep up with your broken pieces
That you let slip away
You always hid in the shadows
Not trusting anyone
Your heart was filled with pain
As you began to doubt
But I still walked alongside you
Showing you how to live
As I gave you back your broken pieces
And you made them into new
Your broken pieces were broken no more
They were replaced by shining stars
So perfect and bright they were
As the pain and hate faded
From your once fragile heart
I was no longer needed
To collect your broken pieces
So I slipped into the shadows
And slowly faded away
My mission was complete
I have taught you how to love
And to rise above the hate
So the broken pieces I collected for you
Were gone
Like dust in the wind
That was lovely. :3
So I really liked this and it reminds me what makes a person a writer, it's when they write out of the expected- what everyone else leaves unwritten. You keep doing that, and doing so very well might I add. Once again, a meaningful poem, a great read.
I have to agree though that you need your stanzas :3 and a couple punctuation marks along the way.
I got the message from start to finish but someone else could get confused. Not because of the words, it's the lack of punctuation or even separating it into parts.
Great Job and never stop writing...ever..ever (can you hear the echo? :3)
Hey. That was nice. Somehow I can relate to that. I have a poem similar to this. I swear!
It was like someone is trying to rebuild something(probably a relationship).
There were lines that confusing like...
"And you made them into new" (so you gave the broken pieces back, and he/she made them into new?)
and
"My mission was complete" ...(what did you do anyway? you just gave the broken pieces back...)
Sorry if my review looks annoying. Btw, the first part was nice but the ending is confusing...
I really liked the emotion put into this piece, it was very lovely. I would suggest splitting the different parts up into verses, just to make it easier to read. Other than that, it was a wonderful read!
-Sincerely,
Sentinel
thanks:) And yeah, I probably should have made that into verses, but oh well! It's still good.