Young Writers Society

This is a nice piece, I just have a few things that I would like to talk to you about.
"They are coming from everywhere
To turn you into one of them

Immortal strength versus mortal ignorance
With their power they offer you no chance"

Now right here in the paragraph. You don't completely finish the flow or the mood of it. You just quickly change your way of looking at things. Yes it may be part of the poem but to me, I was just confused. I didn't know what you were doing and it made me lose intrest in your poem because of the lack of flow inbetween paragraphs. The lack of flow between them causes your poem to feel choppy, which it did to me.
Personally that is the only thing that I want to comment about. Nothing else stuck out to me that was bad.I did like reading this poem, just not that one part that I told you about. That is the only part, to me, that really got me indifferent.
Thanks for your time,
~Alabaster

This is a scary little poem. I wish there was a little more description of the Children of the NIght, but I like the mystery in the poem as well. I also like how this poem is addressing the reader directly saying "YOU call them myths" and "YOUR ignorance has..." I would suggest changing one of the lines that says that the children of the night are everywhere or coming from everywhere, because saying it twice doesn't add anything new. Also the last line in the 3rd stanza seems to have too many syllables for some reason. You could possibly change it to "But they wont be the ones to die". Have a great day!

~Ally-wa

First of all, I want to say I love this poem. I think it is great how you don't actually tell who the Children of the Night are, and just leave the reader guessing. The few things I have to say, are very small. In the first and second stanza, lines one and two of each, you use the word night twice and therefore have to find two rhymes for it. If you continued with that rhyme the whole way through, it would be great, but I think you could change it up a little, maybe use poetic license and change the word order to something like "the children of the night they are". Maybe you don't like the idea, its just a small suggestion. Also, maybe in the first or second stanza, you could change the words everywhere and them, it sounds good, but it seems kind of redundant because they are used twice in a row. Lastly, there are just two lines that I thought were phrased a little awkwardly. Stanza three, last line, it doesn't flow ver well, maybe you could change it to "But they will not be the ones dead". And then the last stanza is just a little bit confusing. You could put a colon in on the second two last line to show that that is the change. This is an amazing poem, I hope it didn't sound like I was being to harsh, but the few suggestions I had, were truthfully, very minor. Great work, and keep on writing!