Spring Storm Symphony

I like how you are approaching this, you have some really good ideas. I'm approaching it from a slightly different angle because I am a harpist before I am a writer, and I have played in quite a few symphonies in my time, so I thought I would start off linking some symphonic storms.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRwMxCuagYg

Not my favourite, but the most iconic, and probably what people will first think of when they see the title of your work, particularly as it is part of the Pastoral Symphony, which ties into the spring thing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4nzUTorEM0

The storm itself starts at 17:00 and goes for about a minute, and most of the tension, in both cases is built up by the winds. My paramour says this is his favourite musical storm.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9Y49mIDWwA

Tchaikovsky's overture "The Storm". He uses the timpani, those are the big drum rolls at the beginning, and silence to heighten the effect, to create more drama with them. He contrasts soft melodic bits with big crashes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnlaCenlNHk

Chaos by Rebel. The guy was born in 1666 and called Rebel, so he wrote heavy metal four hundred years too early. It opens with "cluster chords", which is sort of like banging your hands on a piano...but awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMdCx-4TmuU

:p

Two main things stick out to me as a musician in the poem. A bass drum could work like that, but "the bass drums lower" suggests to me that you are thinking of a timpani. Lower and higher in music are used to describe pitch, and you can't get that much variation in pitches on a big bass drum. A timpani, on the other hand, have pedals that they can use to move the pitch up and down. Likewise "The tempo rising and falling", dynamics rise and fall, tempi get faster or slower. In an orchestra, the way things are described are fairly set, because the conductor has to communicate to us exactly how he wants it to be expressed quite quickly. While they can be poetic and have interesting ways to explain things, the basic language is fairly set. If the conductor wanted us to play faster, he would move his baton faster, not higher or lower.

As you are using words, use them to create the sounds as well. Assonance and alliteration are useful, using hard and soft sounds in words to write the symphony. Read this poem aloud as much as you can.

As the symbols crashed and said goodbye

As the rain poured harder like a crowd applauding

Angel! Sorry for the laaaaate review! But here I am! A So, instead of a Quick Critique, I'll give a structured review. Here I go:

SUBJECT:
Wonderful! An antonymous combination of two ideas: Beauty of music and wildness of storm. I can;t say more here, but I did like how the combination goes, it's a descriptive type, anyway, so it's fine on every angle!


FORM & STRUCTURE:
Free verse! Hahaha! Perfect for the storm! I kinda like how the idea of a storm, something free and strong, mixes up with the form of free verse, wherein the structure is blown away with the wind! The form should always go with the subject, and as I've observed, it does!

Okay, now on structure. The introduction is quite misplaced (in a good way). It doesn't start definitely, but the narration takes the readers into a better view, or in this case, hear, of the scene. I like how the description flows in the body; the comparisons were based on the progress of the storm, which is real and thus affecting to the reader. It won't only bring sound, but also views Good work on that. I was just hanged by the ending because there was no reason stated on why she replayed the symphony. Even a slight adjective can be a reason for this; adding an adjective to refer to the symphony can explain what quality it possesses which made her replay it.

Anyways, that's only for form and structure!


RHYME AND SOUND:
I do appreciate that your piece rhymes, but there are times when some rhyming lines seem to be inserted there just for the rhyme. For example: The symphony begins with claps of thunder/
A gentle roll of a bass drum distant for now but moving closer. I'm a bit troubled with how it goes and flows as rhyming because there is little beat. Remember, rhymes are words of the same sound, and good rhymes are lines with the same beat

What should be LOUD is perfectly silent. And I love it . The negation of the storm's mighty sound (as in not using words to describe how freaky the storm is), and making as orchestral is very inventive, although the idea is present in some poems already, the sound is still great. Remember to mind the beat though. A long line followed by a very short one doesn't work out much, so wary the beat.

WHAT I WANT YA TO REMEMBER...
...that isn't very much present in the piece is.....show it, don't tell it. That's the only thing tad lacking in the piece. You said 'The rain was a group of snare drums', well then I have to take your word for it. If, instead, you told the reader how you saw the rain, how your body felt etc, the reader can see and hear the rain for themselves and sing with it. Instead of narrating it as a narration, you may narrate it as a story: The rain thumped all over, a band of snare drums. I know, what I sampled wasn't that good . but I know you can show it better. So, do your best!

That's all I can say, Angel, for now. This is a great piece, I tell ya. It's voice and tone is very different and the opposition of what is real is true (Speaking in riddles--again). Just be sure to show, not tell, and this poem can be its very best!

Your pal,
Al

I really enjoyed reading this one, I must say I love your writing style. It was very creative, and I loved the way you compared the different sounds of the storm to the different instruments of a band. It will definately make me see storms differently xD. Like the other one, to make it a little easier to read, I would separate it into verses, but this one, I think, does not really need it. So it's all a matter of personal opinion. Then again, it's your own style, so don't let me go stomping on that...

Anyways, it was a very beautiful poem ^-^

-Keep writing!

Sincerely,
Sentinel