Hanging by A Thread

Hey there Fallen,

I guess the best thing I can say about this poem is that it's, er, quite dramatic. To be quite honest, it kind of reads like a collection of generic sad/angsty lines like the ones you find a bit everywhere. I don't mean this necessarily in a pejorative way, and I understand sometimes you just need to get negative feelings out, and this is the easiest way to go at it. However, I'm looking at this from a poetry angle, and it's just kind of flat, you know? One of the cool things about poetry in general, I think, is how people find new and different ways to show emotion or to make us feel something, and that's what you should try for, at least at first (not going to venture into style experimentation and stuff right now, I don't need to bore you either ).

That said, there's also just some pretty basic things I can see here that you should endeavor to avoid doing, like repetitions that don't really bring anything to the poem - the way you have "Cold / Alone / Forgotten" right now, for example. It just makes the poem drag on for longer and gets boring, which isn't what you're looking to do, I don't believe.

So, basically, what I'm saying is: try to condense your poem a bit more. Remove the stuff that's just repetition and doesn't bring anything new to the table, and try to make it more unique - personalize it. Make it human. That way the readers will feel a lot more of what you mean, and they'll be a lot more interested too, because it'll be new.

Hope this helps, and keep up!

Wow, thats a real great poem.