This is just a little song I wrote, I don't usually write songs so sorry if it isn't very good...The tempo starts off slow and then speeds up a little at the chorus and then slows down again. It kinda has an Evanessence sound to it...
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I'm broken inside
Eyes open wide
Screaming, Crawling
Lost in the darkness
Feeding the sickness
I'm falling
Falling
Chorus:
I'm falling forever
I can't find the light
My faith is fading
My walls are crashing down
Around me
I can't stand it
I'm down on my knees
Gun to my head
Eyes filled with dread
I'm still Falling
Falling
Chorus:
I'm falling forever
I can't find the light
My faith is fading
My walls are crashing down
Around me
And I'm screaming(screaming)
I am Crawling!(I'm crawling)
I'm fighting for my life
A battle I am losing
I can't see the light
I'm running out of time
I'm falling
Still Falling
Chorus: (X2)
I'm falling forever
I can't find the light
My faith is fading
My walls are crashing down
Around me
It was really good. The only problem I had with this, Is that you didn't label anything else but the chorus. You have an intro, your verses and a coda/outro. But you don't have them labeled, which made me confused. Other than this I loved your song.
Hi, Fallen Angel!
Your first song?! Well done! This is an excellent first song. I wish my first song was this good. xD Lordy. I might be out of my league here. Are you a poet perhaps?
Reason I ask is that your use of words and imagery is beautiful. Such strong pictures. It's just awesome. And from what you said the music would do? I think that just works. So well. In fact, I felt the strongest impact around here:
This was awesome, and I imagine the music would spike at this point or around it. It's just awesome.
I feel like the song lost itself around the end when I, as the reader, don't get a feel for why the speaker may be feeling this way. Not even a hint of "you" anywhere. Just that they're miserable. I'm wondering if they're just depressed? I don't know if hinting at some story or situation would hurt your song, but food for thought. It's certainly a very emotional piece, I just don't know why I should care!
Fantastic start to the lyrical world, Angel. Well done! I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Thank you for the review! And I like to keep my readers thinking. I did that so that anyone that reads it that has been through this, no matter the reason, can relate to it in some way. I don't want to limit it to one particular situation.