Safe Haven
I’m a fallen angel with dead-end eyes,
With broken armor and detected lies
I’m an open book, ridden of my disguise
I’m hollow now, can’t you hear my cries?
Betrayed by the family dressed in white,
Tricked by darkness, let down by light,
I'm a mere shadow, hiding in the night,
I'm lonely, haunted and taunted with fright.
They’ve turned my smile into a frown,
In a sea of pain they’ve left me to drown,
They’ve stolen my pride and taken the crown,
Please, don’t let me go deeper down!
Please drag me up, I cannot float,
You must dry my eyes, clear my throat,
Close my eyes let me sleep under your coat.
I need a safe haven, I’m lost and remote.
You’re my safe haven – Now I’m lost in you
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Wow! That was cool! I loved the feeling of the poem. It... was just awesome. I really can't think of another word to describe it. I didn't see any grammer errors, or spelling mistakes. I love how you made it rhyme that well, and still have it flow that smoothly. It was awesome! It looks like you put alot of work into it. Great job!
hmmm...I love how you personify tainted perfection in this piece, how an angel of glory can be subjected to desolate ruin.
haha.
This stanza here sort of mystified the poem a bit:
They’ve turned my smile into a frown,
In a sea of pain they’ve left me to drown,
They’ve stolen my pride and taken the crown,
Please, don’t let me go deeper down!
I'd be more than willing to know who "they" are. Was it God that set His angelic hounds onto you, because you committed a divine transgression of some sort? or was it demons, family, friends etc. You know what I mean. If you're to the point then one stanza would do just fine in adding a little background infomation to ease the reader's wondering mind. Although mystery is a good thing, just not too much. Like leaving out the cause of your pain is too much mystery, whereas mystifying the reason why the cause did what they did, isnt.
Really heart-felt poem though. I sense a strong hint of love in it
Keep up the good work.
***Abyss.
Hey there!
Wow, just wow. I love the poem! It has so much emotion, that it can make you actually feel it. I'm not much of a poet, so I can't really give pointers. Although,I don't think you would need it! This is the best dramatic poem I've read so far. I also love the picture above! It's a beautiful halfshot of good/bad half! I honestly love it! Awesome job and keep it up!
- gleek456 <3