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140,778 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
"But if you get too close
I see that you are ugly.
You're ugly just like me."
I feel like the "you're ugly just like me" could even become a new stanza, to create space (or something) for dramatic effect.
In between, I felt like some line could've used a comma, just to serve as a sort of pause, maybe; however, if your effect was as such, without commas, then leave it ...
(ex: "For it seems that you are unable to see,
Seems not to understand,
That I am a butterfly like you." <-- areas you might have used commas.)
That aside, I truly like the end to this poem. I thought in its simplicity it was beautiful, but also because it was hinting at numerous different things that are open to our interpretation. I really liked your line "We are only beautiful from afar." I think it to be probably one of the most beautiful in the poem.
As for passages, this was my favourite: "I am a butterfly,
I am a worm disguised with angelic wings
But don't you know this about butterflies?
They deceit the world,
With their beauty
And they feed on it."
Awesome!
Anyway, keep it up!
"I am a butterfly,
I am a worm disguised with angelic wings
But don't you know this about butterflies?"
"You have only seen me from afar
And though I hate to tell you,
I am but a fraction of what I appear"
"But you don't seem to understand,
My voice is flawed and words are mute
And your love has drawn you closer, too close
But I can only love you from afar... "
Oh... you are great writer,,, keep the good work up... The words I quoted are very awesome,,, I liked the way you express it...
and there's something else grabbed my feelings, that I feel the same way too,,, I thought I'm alone... and once again this phrase is repeated over in my ears "But I can only love you from afar..."... yes true, only afar :/
-Ilham
i love this so much. exspecially the last line. very touching and the words just flow. you have talent for sure. And i also really liked the name < 3 keep writing
I love your poem! Also your title caught my attention, very interesting.