Angel of the dark
The gates stood open,
Open to hell.
And there he stood,
He who from heaven fell.
There stood I, in front of him,
He who fell from the skies.
I looked at his face,
Cruelty shone in his eyes.
He took my hand,
It was cold as ice.
He pulled me close,
And whispered lies.
His voice was seducing,
As he tried to fool me.
But I stood strong,
Told him to leave me be.
But he was stronger,
He hurt me with marbel hands.
His cruel eyes scared me,
So I followed his demands.
As he blindly led me to the gate,
The gate that led to hell.
I was feeling the heat,
Hells fire, and then I fell.
His cold grip loosened,
And I was burning in the fire.
I was fighting against the pain,
But my pain was his desire.
I was bleeding through open scars.
And in to the smoky air,
My humanity disappeared.
But he didn’t care.
My heart was being broken,
And I was bleeding in vain.
I was being burned alive,
But the loss of love was the real pain.
Hell is the loss of love,
An existing hate.
Heaven is above,
Based on fate.
I’m burning in hell,
Burning in my heart.
As I’m filled with hate,
Love is falling apart.
The devil looks at me,
With cruel eyes.
He laugh’s at me,
He is cold as ice.
He is the loss of love.
A craving hate,
I’m loosing my fate.
I’m loosing love,
I’m hateful, I’m hate.
I’m becoming him.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Thank you, yes, PM me or notify me on my wall and I'll make sure to check it out xD
I liked this but honestly you departed from you rhyme scheme while honestly I' a very anti-rhyme scheme kind of guy if you given yourself a certain one I wouldn't depart from it. Aside from that an excellent poem I really enjoyed reading it. Once I finally post a poem feel free to tear it to shreds.
So I really like this. You should definitely keep writing poetry, you know.
Hope this helped!
...
You captured me by your title. Now normally when I see a poem this long I'd most likely skip over it. But this, my friend, is what poetry is! I do not have anything bad to say about this, except this is so amazing. You have a very creative mind, and that's something I come across rarely. This poem brought me into a state of mind, of darkness if you will, that I thought I did not poses anymore. And it's not a bad thing, it helps me write when I'm more gloomy. (:
You have a amazing talent and I look forward to reviewing more of your works in the near future. Keep writing!
-M.H.Darling
I liked the topic of this poem. And I liked the way the way you wrote it, too. There are some parts that I think could be better though. Also, it would be better if you added punctuation in it at the end of lines.
This isn't a sentence. Tell us how his hands and eyes were stronger?
That sounds awkward. You should change it to 'When into the pit I fell'.
Take out the comma.
These last two stanzas have five lines instead of four like the rest of the poem. I think you should either take out one line from each making them four lines, or take one line from each and put it into one more stanza, adding two more lines giving it four.
Over all, good job. I really liked the rhyme scheme in this.
WHOA!!!
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Totally loved! that. It's very deep. Definitely MY KIND OF POETRY
Just one thing ... even though it's poetry, it still needs punctuation.
It helps the reader know how to read it.It makes you read the poem with more
expression in your voice and just the way it's meant to be read.
So lets me help .... HA! I shall use pink font.!!
Here's how the first stanza would look ......
And soo forth ... Keep on writing good poems!