You have to wake up!

Demoness wrote:I originally wrote this poem in Swedish but to be able to share it here I rewrote it in to english which made some lines sound a little clichée... but yaah; here it is xD

Awake the sleeping children,
Open all closed eyes,
Kill all beautiful dreams.
You have to wake up!

No stars are shining here tonight,
The moon is dressed in invisible light,
I’m crying rain and bleeding pain,
I’ve lost my heart and gone insane.

Dance on the sleeping meadows,
Open all closed flower buds,
Light up the beautiful night,
You have to wake up!

I cry blood and it’s raining tears,
Dark winter nights awaken my fears,
I’ve looked at every single line,
But this piece lacks of sunshine.

Kiss the sleeping beauties,
Open all closed doors,
Speak to the sweet silence,
You have to wake up!

I can't fall asleep,
I can't close my eyes,
I can't dream sweet,
I'm always dead awake.

But like a sleeping child,
With closed eyes,
My dreaming heart,
Just won't wake up!

i enjoyed your poem but i kinda got lost towards the end. it just keot repeating in a way that loses my interests. i think that if you take away the ! at the end of the "you have to wake up" it would make it a little better. i am sorry if this wasnt the type of review you were looking for but it is how i feel about you poem.

Demoness wrote:[
Awake the sleeping children,
Open all closed eyes,
Kill all beautiful dreams.
You have to wake up!The grammar seems odd and the tense seems to be changing.

I cry blood and it’s raining tears,
Dark winter nights awaken my fears,
I’ve looked at every single line,
But this piece lacks of sunshine.I like this para

But like a sleeping child,
With closed eyes,
My dreaming heart,
Just won't wake up!

I love the idea and your punctuation and rhyming was gr8. Hope I help.

I love how this poem makes the reader feel trapped in the scene. It's a really good poem but sometimes i think the point can be a little bit lost.

Dance on the sleeping meadows,
Open all closed flower buds,
Light up the beautiful night