I hate that you find yourself believing
That I hope
Beause I’ve never been the kind of person
That hopes
I know that everything is hopeless
But that doesn’t mean
That I don’t wish
I wish I wish I wish
Oh how I wish!
This may be a world made of crushed dreams
And though I am rendered hopeless
I never stop wishing
I can't.
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Canary word: Present
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125,023 Literary Works • 672,877 Reviews
If you never stop wishing doesn't that mean you never stopped hoping?
Viv here, I'm curious, is the title Naive Wishes in a Sullen Void of Hopelessness, of is Naiv a word? It's a great title, almost morbid, but a little confusing. Also, why'd you give up hope, but still hopelessly wish? Doesn't that mean that you don't want to give up hope yet?
Hi there. Aouther2b here to review (although I'm sure you already knew that! lol)
What I liked:
1. The flow. not too fast, not too slow, as goldielocks would say "just right!" the formating of this piece allows for an easy, as in non choppy, read. Great job with that!
2. The Point of View (POV). The POV you selected really allows for the emotion to flow through. Had this been written from the other person you mentioned's POV then it would have gone way diffrent and you wouldn't have been able to get this message across as well as you have here.
What I didn't like:
1. Repeatition. For me repeatition is meant to enhance the poem. I personally don't like the repeativeness of "I wish" I wouldn't get rid of all of them but a line full of "I wish" I feels does very little to strengthen this poem. Then again that is just my opinion.
Overall:
I can identify with this piece on a personal level which makes it all the more special. Great work with everything in this piece. I loved it. Keep writing!
Hey Demoness! This is a very interesting poem. I enjoy how you took the two items, wishing and hoping, and contrasted them to each other as opposed to how humans conceive them as synonymous.
You also made good use of repetition in the poem. Since the poem is short, the only thing I can offer is replacing "crushed" with a stronger vocabulary word.
Maybe something you'd like to consider to incorporate in this poem, would be starting with simple diction and concepts at the beginning, and then inserting escalating diction as the narrator's despair grows? And although this might sound like a flabbergasting concept, maybe make your ending weak, as supposed to seem vulnerable.
Heheh, I don't know. Actually, nevermind, because that might not be your intended interpretation.Maybe you'd like to use that for this poem, or another one!
It was a very good poem overall, I'd give it an 8/10!
Keep writing!