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140,159 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Quite an impacting poem. I though the message was sent across clear enough and that it had a deeper meaning.
I got the sense that the 2 characters were siblings, and over the period of them growing up. And the younger sibling matured and ran off in front to take life head on and choose their path, leaving the older one stranded.
Its a well thought little plot and effective.
What I thought you could have done better was maybe use more dewscriptive language to give it more flavour, or make it more engaging to read. It ploded along nicely, but could do with more.
Thankss for the review
Agreed, the language is a little dry- but it will have to rest for a while before I'll get a new go at it.
This is good. It's sad, it makes me feel bad for you :/ But here's the little things I saw:
Whose little hand held your even smaller
It should be:
Whose little hand held your even smaller hand
And this:
And one inch at the time, you pulled away
Should be:
And one inch at a time, you pulled away
And finally, this:
Because you came to end of your road-
Should be:
Because you came to the end of your road-
You probably just made typos or whatever but typos is all I got for you and I like to be told about mine so...Keep writing
I really liked this poem. "She had sworn to watch over you..." So beautiful. This was just incredible. It makes me think of so many things. Wow.
This is a very beautiful poem and it amazes me the message you can get across so simply, all I have to say is wow, I mean it is so simple yet so delicate and to portrait such an emotion is not simple.