The Red Bird

by Charm

Published April 5, 2016

E - Everyone

In Bad Poems

The faint ding of a wind chime,
that was moved not by the wind
but the red bird,
who carelessly flies to the bird feeder.
And I'll just sit here and sip my morning tea
while you, little red bird, eat.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Joelsweet
Comment
Joelsweet commented Comment · Apr 5, 2016

A short poem, but very nice. I like the comparison between the bird and you, both eating breakfast on the weekend morning. It flows nicely, and makes sense in its small entirety. Looking forwards to other pieces by you. ^^
I think your imagery is mostly fine, you were able to get your point across and leave the poem a bit up to interpretation.

Charm replied · Apr 5, 2016

Thanks :)

Of course :3

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LucytheBrave
Review
LucytheBrave wrote a review Review · Apr 5, 2016

Hey, AliceAfternoon!

I think your poem is really cute, but I do have two things to say.

First, your poem is short, and it was probably meant to be short. But you don`t really use as much Imagery as you could. I feel like the poem would be improved if you described the objects a bit more.

The second is that your first sentence is confusing. The subject moves from the ding of the wind chime. Your reader doesn`t know anything about the wind chime. I started out feeling as if the wind chime is important but you don`t go anywhere with it. Maybe you could say that it grabbed the narrators attention, and made her notice the little bird.

Other than that, however, Its a beautiful poem, and very sweet.
Lucy

InfiniteRectangles wrote a review Review · Apr 5, 2016

Hello, InfiniteRectangles here!

This review will probably be rather short, which is fitting for a short poem. Anyway, let's get on with the review!

This was so sweet! I love weekend mornings because I can wake up on my own time, and I can take the time to enjoy small things like watching the birds. Although the poem is short, it is still descriptive enough for me to feel the calmness of your morning. The only thing I would suggest though is maybe make it slightly longer by taking more time to describe the scene around you, but that is just a suggestion.

All in all, this was a beautiful poem, and I love when poetry can capture the readers with so few words. Well done! You're quite talented and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. Keep writing and have a wonderful day/night! :D

Charm replied · Apr 5, 2016

Thanks a lot for this review. I get a lot of comment on my poetry of people telling me they would like my poetry longer but I just disagree as the writer of the poem. You see, I have nothing more to say :) Thanks again for the review :D :D

Yes, I completely understand that short poems are often a stylistic choice, which is why I don't dwell too much on length but rather content. I've written quite a few short poems myself, as well. Anyway, you're very welcome for the review, you talented writer, you. :D

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Tammi
Review
Tammi wrote a review Review · Apr 5, 2016

Hello!
Such a sweet,small poem!
It's too good.
The last two lines just caught my attention!
No suggestions, except: add a suitable period at the end of second line. This is simply to improve the flow.(though, your poem has wonderful flow already!)
It's a sensible poem. Its a piece that doesn't have a rhyme scheme but still flows. This is what I call true poetry.Go with the flow..
Best of regards and waiting for your autograph... ;-)

Charm replied · Apr 5, 2016

Thanks :)



I cannot separate the aesthetic pleasure of seeing a butterfly and the scientific pleasure of knowing what it is.
— Vladmir Nabokov