I am a clam
closed up under
the waves of life
shutting myself away
and I regret
so much
and I've hurt
too many
perhaps that's why
I continue to live life
like a clam
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140,430 Literary Works • 673,185 Reviews
Hi AliceAfternoon, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.
This really was a great idea.Title: The title that you presented was simple and yet... it described everything there is to your poem.
Theme: The theme of describing yourself as a clam was a great idea and really helps get across what you're trying to say in the poem.
Description: Although this isn't a very long poem, you managed to describe the regret of the person telling us the poem and you also stayed true to the clam theme by using the lines
Rhythm: Your rhythm was pretty good even though there wasn't a rhyme scheme. There was only on part that bothered me. you used two "ands" and it disrupt the flow. I'd take out one to make the poem flow better.
Grammar and Punctuation: As for grammar I couldn't find any problems, but I'd put some punctuation if I were you. It would make the poem flow better and easier to read.
Overall this was a great poem and I look forward to the next one you post. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Your friend, Felistia.
simply amazing
aw thank you
Hello, AliceAfternoon. I'm Sunset, and I will be reviewing this lovely poem of yours.
To start off, I'd like to point out the simplicity this has, but how it ties up a majority of your problems or life's problems altogether. In fact, poems revolving around this idea make more sense to be put in the format in which you have just done. I love the shortness, too, because length doesn't really matter, but the quality does. Quality is better than quantity, and this poem shows that you definitely already know that, and have it covered. This is a great role model for others (possibly people who are starting off in writing) to show how little a poem can be, and how sizes vary depending on topic for poetry. Good job.
This is actually quite a sad, sorrowful piece. I'm sure that was what you were aiming for, and I give you a round of applause for successfully in doing so. This brought me back to when, a couple of days ago, I read you journal entries/blogs, and I realized how much you have been going through. You clearly put your heart into writing poems, because I can see an assortment of hardships from life and experiences that you've had within the words of this.
You should take out the 'd' in "continued" because you were working in present tense.
Anyway, I think you are a brave soul to have to suffer through a second panic attack, and recover from that depression and stress. Although you may not think this is your best piece, it does show all your wounds and what you have been through lately in just a couple lines of words. That's an achievement.
I know there's always (normally) room for more detail, especially in a piece like this, but I honestly like the simplicity that you carried with this, and keep it how it is. This is strange for me to say, because I like works with plenty of detail, not too much, not too little, still I think there are exceptions. And this is a fabulous exception. You worked hard on this.
I hope things are working out for you at home! Sorry for the somewhat short review.
~Sunset101
Thanks
Hi this is Spartan here with an amazing review for you.
First off I like the name of the poem it goes great with the poem itself. I can feel that you are bidding how you honestly feel somewhat from this poem and that you don't want others to be hurt because of you. I think if you would try to find your weaknesses and work on them you will be fine and if others get hurt well that's their problem not yours you did nothing wrong once you find your weaknesses. This poem could use a lil more detail but is fine the way it is cause it's short sweet and to the point. I am here for you to talk to if you need someone to talk to.
I hope you have a wonderful day evening night or morning.