Here's another crappy poem that I wrote just now. I know it's bad but I wanted to get my feelings out. This one is pretty personal to me but I think you guys can tell by reading it. It's a poem to majority of my friends who are/were not the nicest of people and it talks about how I have a habit of changing myself to fit someone's standards.
It’s My Fault
*
You don’t need to apologize for not being there.
It was my fault for depending on you.
You don’t need to apologize for things you said.
It was my fault for thinking highly of you.
You don’t need to apologize for anything.
It was my fault for pretending.
*
I didn't want to be alone.
So I thought if I made myself like you
You would want me to stay.
I worked hard to keep you happy,
But I was never strong enough,
And I never will be.
*
I came to you for help,
But you just walked away.
So now I’m left in
Darkness,
Trying to find a way out.
*
You would have thought I’d learned my lesson...
But no.
I will always try out of habit,
Because I’d rather be surrounded by people I hate.
Than be alone in the darkness.
*
And if I get hurt,
I’ll know that in the end,
It was my fault anyway...
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yes it's your fault.
I relate to this on so many levels! I do think it was a bit "blocky" BUT I think that it worked really well. The ending was especially good and wrapped things up nicely! This is an awesome poem and you should be proud! <3
Thanks
Yowch. A bit blocky. Lots of emotion which is good. Try finding a rhyme scheme though. Good job.
Thank. This is free verse and not all poetry needs to rhyme.
So another reveiw :]. Well another poem quick and easy for reveiws nice. So in the 4th block the "But no." the but shouldnt be capidlized unless the "..." is to close the scentance then nevermind. And at the very top your poems arnt crapy and even if the format is the vent poems allways seem good. Plus your poems keep makeing spotlight so there pretty good. Any thats all. Lone wolf out!
XD
*Than I believe? :]
<3
thanks
STOP THINKING YOUR STUFF IS CRAPPY! YOU HAVE WRITTEN SOME OF THE BEST POEMS I HAVE EVER READ ON YWS. AND EVEN IF THEY WERE BAD, IT WOULD BE COMPLETELY COVERED UP BY THE AMOUNT OF RAW EMOTION AND PASSION EMITTING FROM YOUR WORDS. SO JUST PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER AND TAKE A MOMENT TO REALIZE THAT YOU ARE A FANTASTIC POET. PLEASE.Ahem.
Keep tagging me please. I need more.
OMG. I'm had such a crappy day and you and so many people have made it better <3
Hope you get to feeling better soon. :3
Thank you! I like your avatar and I am feeling better
Thanks.
Glad you are doing better.
Wow. This is really good too! I like the first line repeating the thing about how 'it was my fault.' I think that kind of repetition works really well for a poem like this. The message is sad... but relatable. You do a good job conveying it that way. I think it's a little weird to end on a ... but that's really my only criticism
The 'but no' line works well, too. This poem is simple but effective.
Thank you
Hey! I feel like this poem describes my social life in every aspect.
First off, this poem isn't crappy at all! I thought it was wonderful! It's much better than my sappy poems. This one has a lot of emotion and is descriptive.
Second, I hope you don't actually think this. It's never your fault when someone's an a**hole. You shouldn't apologize for giving people the benefit of the doubt. It just means that you are a nice person and want to believe the part of the world you live in is as good as it can be.
I hope you feel better soon, but I also hope you keep working on this poem!
(I hope I'm still not annoying you. Idk what's wrong with me. I usually think people suck too >.<)
You're not annoying me and this poem is about this childhood friend. It's a message to her and when I say 'I'll never break the habit' it's me talking about how I've had this repeating history many times since we last talked.
Wow! Super deep and powerful! I think that if you described the deeper parts a little more it would be amazing (well, it's already amazing so it'd just be even more amazing). Keep up the good work! You are a strong person from what I can see. Write some Indie stuff! I think you would be good at it! I already see that your writing style is a bit different than most people's, and I love it! You are such an awesome writer. You really should pour your emotions out into fictional indie stories. You would be great at it! Let me know if you need any help or anything! Keep up the good work!
Thank you