Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
is it selfish of me? is it selfish to care?
because even though I've admitted, I don't love you
I still care about you, and I care about us.
I just—I just don't like
her.
and yes, maybe I'm just jealous
but dammit! I'm still here.
there is so much more to the world than
her.
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140,432 Literary Works • 673,185 Reviews
Hello~
Congratulations on making me think for half an hour before I wrote this review. It wasn't the poem that made me think, though-- it was your comment below.
I searched my inner knowledge and I couldn't find an answer. To me, imagery is such an essential part of poetry that I couldn't fathom that someone had told you that not every poem needed it. There are more than one parts of a poem, however, and I concluded that you were right. Not every poem has to have imagery. But should your poem have imagery? And what elements of poetry are you using here that make this a poem, and not just a one sided conversation?
There's a hint of repetition in the first line in the parallelism of the two questions. You use repetition in the italicization of the word her. So there's one element of poetry. There's only one stanza, and it looks like a poem at first glance. But do those things make a poem a poem? Just those two? A good definition of poetry that I found is
This is very straightforward, and I think with a little tweaking, you could really have something nice. But I think that with figurative language, it's easiest to add with imagery. Create a metaphor around an object that symbolizes something close to this situation. Fill it in. Don't yell, whisper your meaning.
here's a handy chart for the elements of poetry, by the way. I reference it myself sometimes when my poem needs a little something extra.
Spoiler
I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy writing!
Thanks
Hello Alice! I see we meet again! And I just wanted to sate how much I loved this poem especially since I actually wrote a poem kind of from the other side of this with the same title! Such a small world! Well either way I loved the perspective and way you wrote this as it may be one of my favorite poems right now to date!
Hi, I'm Sayantan4119(India),
I would love to say I liked your poem personally.
If you could extent it more with poetic and romantic words , it would be a nice one.
From next time try not to be so simple about writing(yes!, there should be exceptions),
Use Capital words .
Sequence writing pattern.
Italics as you have used.
You wrote it nice which I should admit but you couldn't express your poetic style nicely.
Otherwise it is awesome.
Follow me on Sayantan4119.
Hello there!
Here to give maybe a useless review.
I like you as an writer so I felt the need to point out my opinion about this work of yours.
I think the punctuation is not something so important in such a poetry.
I like the work as whole but there is something I want to ask you about so I am sure I understood everything right.
In the second line, you say that you do not love the other person (this is how I will say it, yeah)
but in the end you say that you are jealous?
I mean, don't you love someone and be jealous? I do not understand how you can be jealous and not in love with that person at once.
For the last part, does it not sound better like 'much more in this world' ? Just opinion.
I honestly love everything else only this was the thing I wanted to ask you about. I am a silly head so I need to ask so I do not act like a meanie. XD
GOOD JOB !
And, of course, keep on writing.
ok first it is good and i like it but if u don't mind i like to add a little revision of my own and sorta play with the style like make it flow a little more and less like sentences of you talking it somewhat random and need a little oomph
Is it selfish?
selfish to care
i don't love her but i can still care
i care for us
i just don't like her
i may be jealous
but dammit! I am still here
there is so much more to the world the
this i just a little revision i had and it pretty good as is but i can see that some changes can be made
Hey AliceAfternoon! It's AshleyDashley here for a quick review!
First off:
I don't know if there is suppose to be no capitalizing but it could use it, in my opinion.
and
I like the way you italicize her in these lines. It really emphasizes your dislike for her. This poem is short and to the point and I like that, but it needs more of a visual. You did a good job on this poem and I can feel the emotion that goes along with this poem as I read it.
Overall Fantastic job writing this poem! Keep up the good work and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
AshleyDashley
Thanks for this review. I'm confused on what you mean by more 'visual', not all poetry needs imagery...
That was just my opinion. You don't have to do it. The poem is still great!