A smile creeps its way onto my lips
for some odd reason.
I find it hard to imagine
how sad and morose I was yesterday.
I always dreamed of feeling just right...
Right now, finally, I seem to be okay.
*
I’m growing stronger,
growing immune to my past tormentors.
Maybe one day in the future,
I won't think about what they say.
I've come so far from where I once was.
*
I might not have come to the point,
where I can write a happy poem or
where I can stand apart from the crowd,
but I have come to the point where,
I can smile without any reason.
And I don't know about you...
But that is an accomplishment!
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This poem is pretty good in my opinion. It starts off normal but ends with a nice a cheerful ending. I like it and it even encourages other writer's to try. The ending also seems to be a tad more personal. I don't like to assume anything but it could be interpreted like you're experiencing this first hand. If you are feeling like then ignore that part. But this good so keep writing.
I've read a few poems like this, and not similar due to the topic. It's similar due to some poetical errors, like the one I just read.
First, while it seems obvious to most, is this intended to rhyme? If not, perhaps change your word choice in the first stanza, specifically at "how sad and morose I was yesterday." and "Right now, finally, I seem to be okay." These two lines give the reader the impression that it will rhyme, however none of the rest of the poem rhymes AT ALL.
Second, most poems have rhythm in their stanzas. Sets of lines of four, five, or six in most cases. Switching between two or three is common, however, in this poem, it begins with six lines, then goes down to five, and back up to seven. Why is that? It upsets the rhythm and the poem could instantly be better for reasons I won't go too in-depth on, like how it looks even and pleasing to the eye; how, if left as it is, it confuses the reader and makes them think they may have skipped a line (I had to reread the second stanza twice as I thought I'd skipped a line, when there was just one less line than the previous stanza).
Overall, this was a pretty good poem. While I haven't reviewed or commented on your other poems, I have read them, and this was a nice break from the usual serious-toned, depressing poetry.
I would rate this a 7/10.
~Variks
Hey there Mad. It's just lizzy stopping by for a quick(aka short) review. So without further ado let the reviewing begin.
-Not going to follow the regular format because your poem was so short. Let's just start with length because we are already there. I know from other poems of yours that I have reviewed, they are very short. I think that is the main reason I am drawn to the text is the length. I think the length is perfect for the point you were trying to get across. You manage to pack so much emotion and story into a couple of lines and I find that amazing. That brings me onto the next point.
-The story. It does seem to be very inspiring in the way the main character is getting past a depressing event of their pass.
-To truly understand the title, one has to read all of the way through without judgement. Believe me it was hard for me to do. But you did accomplish something by writing your poem like this.
-You already answered another reviewer's question about free-verse so no need to ask again.
-I didn't really see anything that would fall under grammar or spelling so that's about all I have for today. Sorry if this was short and mostly praise but everybody needs an uplifting review.
Have a nice day.
-lizzy
Thank you so much. Your review was very helpful even though you didn't really tell me anything that I need to fix. Now I can keep in mind the things you liked so when I write my next poem it will be even better
Thanks again for the review ^^
Hey there!
This is honestly an amazing poem that I personally relate to on a very deep level and probably resonates with many readers out there.
The only critique I have is that nothing rhymed and there was no set rhythm. So I guess it's classed as "free verse"(?) (I'm not entirely familiar with poetry terminology, but I try), but even then, despite the relatability of the topic, I still felt a little unsatisfied when I finished reading it, and it was a bit on the short side. This is just my personal opinion of course, but I feel like if there was one more stanza that had a bit of poetic prose, or even just replace the last two lines with something a bit more poetic it would be a lot better. (To be honest, the last two lines were my least favorite. You started off really strong, then by the last two lines it wasn't as strong. The second stanza was my favorite though, good job).
You chose a good title too which is always nice to see because I often dislike the titles people choose for things.
Overall good work!
Keep writing
Thanks for the review and yes it is free verse.
Whoa! THIS IS AMAZING!!!!
Really? Thank you!