Marigold [Sugar Sweet Tears #2]

This is so pretty, I absolutely love it.
Keep up the good work.

Hey AliceAfternoon,

I'm going to start by saying that I think you're developing a story with this poem. You've got characters, setting, and history in that story, but you're sort of missing a few things.

First off, I feel like you're sort of missing a plot. You have a character, but you're not really giving us anything that's actually about her, you're talking around her, like you can't touch her almost. Instead of telling us what she is, you spend a lot of time talking just about her name and what she is supposed to be like. 36% of your poem is dedicated to her name. That's a lot of time you could have spent actually showing us a real difference between what she's like, and what they hoped to get when they named her Marigold. This means that over a third of your poem is dedicated to the idea that her name is that important to how she turned out. Is it?

Overall I feel like the poem was underwhelming because you spent so much time with the refrain. I'd like to learn more from examples in actual situations, like what is Marigold actually like? Explore the metaphor you've created and really get into the idea that this name has changed what this girl is like. Right now we just know what she was supposed to have turned out like, but that's easily summed up by "they dreamed of a social little girl" which is just one line instead of an entire poem. The more content you actually have in a poem, the easier it will be to edit it so that it doesn't sound pretentious because of the way that you're using flow in your poetry.

Overall you have the pieces in mind that you're going to need to make this good, but you're stuck staring into the rear view mirror instead of looking out over the dash. If you rewrite this or edit this focusing on what this girl is like, you'll have a better poem.

Great job. I like how you kept it simple and not to hard to read. I also like how you put a picture to show the flower and to see how nice it is. I like how it was nice and soft story not just getting to the point instantly. I also like how you put "they named her Marigold" in each paragraph.

Hello.

As a reader, all I imagined in this piece was a yellow/golden colors, a flower, a girl and a family with a rather peculiar taste in names. I'm not sure if it were the massive unnecessary repititions of the same adjectives or the eye-catching batch of marigolds you put up before the poem. That aside, this seems like a happy poem that tries to show off the 'uniqueness' of the character discribed which I seemed to enjoy at the start until I started getting bored.

What I think needs work at:

Flow and word choice:
Your word choice seems limited and somewhat boring, I understand you might've gone for that approach to simply the image you're trying to send and keep it clean but it was too much. Even if your intentions were to simply, your word choice then switches over to bigger more harder to pronouce words which made the poem feel very choppy. Here is an examples: "it had family stories and ancestry attached to it." To me, that was choppy and flow was changed compared to the previous stanzas and is it just me or did those verses end with partial rhymes (slant rhymes). If so, then keeping that scheme throughout the stanzas would be a much nicer and more expected touch. If not, then I suggest changnig the wording to avoid that.

Repitition:
Repitition isn't a terrible thing, it can send a point across at first then imphasize it for the reader to take notice and even more notice. But, when overdone it can get boring and can even make the reader forget the rest of the poem's content. I understand how the first verse of every stanza was repeated throughout, but why choose to repeat other stanzas when they have little to no impact on your message/image/whatever you intended to tell the reader.

Idea:
Alright, so there's a girl, who looks/acts/resembles like a golden flower. She's different and special to her family due to her 'thoughts/openmindedness' as said in the second last stanza. A little more details on why she was different? Some hints would suffice to guide the reader on the right path if you're into those sneaky messages. Relating the marigold to the girl using other techniques would've made this a much more enjoyable read, for example, a comparison to something else that was much different to a marigold? A contrast between two objects really opens up the reader into the true differences between two objects/things discribed and can help with appreciating them.

Overall:
For the sake of simplicity, I guess this poem can be left the way it is but with a few changes in how the verses are said and a couple of word changes here and there. But if you're interested in making more dramatic changes as I mentioned above, I think you'll grasp more of your readers attention and leave them aching to meet this golden girl. Good job nonetheless, with an effort in editting this can turn into a great read. Keep writing.

Great Job agian. I like the comparison between things good job. One thing is it reapets abit but i dont read a lot of poetry so i dont know it could be a poetic thing. Any way you kept out any misspelings that I could see, Plus were are you getting the material for your poems? and why a marigold. Any way This is kinda short so good job and keep writing!