I’m no longer insane,
But what do they care who I am now?
They didn’t care who I was before.
I can’t care about anyone, anything.
I am pills swallowed, smiles stolen.
Can’t drink alcohol,
So here I am getting drunk
On sad music and depressing thoughts.
Shy they say, unsocial even mute;
But I’m deaf to their brainless talk,
Blind to their judging eyes,
Numb to their knives in my back.
Take you medicine child,
Swallow and smile they say.
Maybe if you close your eyes hard enough,
You won’t have to open them again
Oh wouldn’t that be something…
But I’ve tried it before, be sure,
I’ve danced with the darkness,
But they set it all on fire.
I can’t smile I can’t smile I can’t smile
Can’t drink alcohol.
So here I lie drunk
On sad music and depressing thoughts,
But all they see is swallowed pills
And stolen smiles.
Go home child,
You’re drunk!
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,043 Reviews
I'm not the best at reviewing but I will try. I did not expect to be so pleased with your piece but I was. I can related to a lot of it. I am very socially deprived, I feel as if people are all too immature for me I don't talk to many people and everyone says I'm shy. That's why whenever I read
" Shy they say, unsocial even mute;
But I’m deaf to their brainless talk,
Blind to their judging eyes,
Numb to their knives in my back."
I was hooked. Every friend I have back stabs me. After a while I stopped caring. I also love how you say
"here I lie drunk on sad music and depressing thoughts"
I cant even count how many time I have done that. I love this piece you did great!(:
~XOXO
Hiya demoness! Here to review your poem.
) but I found myself automatically looking at the words used and the language and what they could mean. It was a very cool idea 
.
So I'm going to be honest, when I saw the title of this I wasn't expecting much, but I was pleasantly surprised. I thought this poem had really good message and meaning behind it. I'm not usually one to start analysing a poem, (just ask my English teacher
Now in terms of critiques I have some things to mention. Firstly, I did like the language used, although I thought it was lacking some descriptive language to build up imagery. From what I understood of the poem, it was a really dark poem, so I'd really like to see some more dark imagery. Perhaps talking about some kind of dark metaphor. I mean the whole poem is sort of one dark metaphor, but I think something more specific could really help.
I don't like the repetition of the word 'care' here- it's sort of distracting and ruins the flow. The repetition also almost makes it seem like an unstructured rant, which I'm sure you don't want from this. This probably wasn't intentional, but the repetition here I feel wasn't that needed.
Good use of enjambment here (that's the right word, right?), however I think it would look better if the 'on' from the first line was put in front of the second line, to read something like this:
So here I am getting drunk
On sad music and depressing thoughts
I think it would help the flow loads.
All in all, this was a really cool poem and I absolutely loves the message of it. NExt steps would be to perhaps see some more imagery, because right now I feel that that's what it's lacking. I hope this review helped. Feel free to PM me with any questions that you have or if you'd like another review.
Keep writing!
-Arc x
Thanxx for the review! I did agree with you on putting the "on" on the second line 'cause I did that at first but then I didn't like how that line got so much longer than the other, but you're probably right about the flow getting disturbed so I think I'll follow that advice.
Hey!
This translates to me as a kid rising up and then keeps being knocked down and "suppressed" by the pills that they are making him take. They don't understand him and that's why they keep enforcing their theories.
Maybe I'm just crazy and I don't know what I'm talking about!
All in all thought, I enjoyed the poem. I liked how you repeated some lines, and tied in modern themes, and yet stayed true to the home point the whole time, good job!